Sir What Jokes

A Joke Translated from French An elderly American couple is on holiday in France when the wife dies suddenly. The man is heart-broken but he knows that his wife, who loved France, would want to be buried there. He begins making arrangements to have her buried when he realises he has nothing to wear. He seeks out the hotel's concierge and, in broken French, explains that he needs to attend his wife's funeral and has nothing appropriate to wear. ""Ah, oui, monsieur,"" says the concierge knowingly.…

A man enters a flower shop... and says...""I'd like some flowers please."" ""Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"" He shrugs, ""Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."" ""Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?""

A very rich snail slimed into a Cadillac dealership... ...and said,"I want your most expensive car." The salesman said,"Very well sir. Is that all?" The snail said,"No. I'd like it to have a custom paint job." The salesman said,"Yes sir. What do you want the car to look like?" The snail said,"I'd like every door painted with a large letter S." The salesman said,"May I ask why,for reasons of curiosity?" The snail said,"Because when I drive down the street,I want every single head to turn,and f…

“911, what’s your emergency “ “I’d like to report a murder.” “Where are you located sir?” “At the corner of Main and 4th… oh wait, never mind!” “Sir! What do you mean? How can you say never mind when you’re trying to report a murder!!! I need to know where to dispatch the police to” “I’m sorry, but you're too late.” "How could we be too late in responding to a murder?" "Well, for one thing, they flew away." "Who flew away? The suspects?" "No, the crows, you damned idiot!"

“Why did you leave your last job?” asked the employer. “Illness, sir.” “What was the trouble?” “They said they were sick of me, sir!”