New Orleans Jokes

What do Led Zeppelin and New Orleans have in common ""When the Levi breaks, we have no place to stay""

So two farmers were talking . . . and Jed says to Zeb, ""So, what are yeh going to do fer yer vacation this year?"" ""Wall,"" says Zeb, ""I figger I'll try somethin' different this year."" ""What d'yeh mean different?"" ""Wall, remember three years ago when I went to Disneyworld? My wife Earline got pregnant."" ""Yep, I remember,"" says Jed. ""And then the next year I went to Vegas. And Earline got pregnant again."" ""Yep."" ""And then last year I went to New Orleans. And dang if Earline didn't …

I used to live in New Orleans till Katrina took everything I had. Sometimes I wish she'd stayed in Latvia.

What do all failing students in New Orleans have in common? They are all below ""C level"".

This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for New Orleans. Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. ""What's the matter?"" Jack asked. ""I've been transferred to New Orleans, there's crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate."" Jack replied, ""I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media s…

Gimpy Gert was an infamous pirate wench who helped terrorize the Spanish Main for many years through her youth and slightly beyond. From her depredations, she acquired a nice sum of Spanish doubloons, British pounds sterling, gold bullion and jewels. But, alas, her adventures cost her some scars and her left leg below the knee. Gert finally realized that it was time for her to retire, so she relocated to New Orleans and invested her ill-gotten gains in a dance hall. Surprisingly, Gert was a popu…

TIL: There is a chemical compound that can be extremely deadly to humans, is most of the time in food, and is not always government regulated. Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are: Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities. Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO caus…

How do People in New Orleans have their beer? Watered Down

Hurricane Katrina An old gentleman from New Orleans gets to heaven and is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says to him ""You have to pick one story that describes your life and that is the only story you may tell for all of eternity."" The man thinks about it and decides he is going to tell the story of Hurricane Katrina. He looks at St. Peter and says ""I wish to tell the story of Hurricane Katrina and the great flood that nearly destroyed my town."" St. Peter looked at him and ""my son, that is…

So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day... The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly. New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico. Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa. Chuck Norris doesn't fart, because nothing can escape Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute. When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the s…

I'm glad to see New York getting in the spirit of Halloween! New Orleans in 2005 was a great costume choice!

Mad props to New York for dressing up as New Orleans for Halloween.

Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client; You've got to love this lawyer...... A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client.…

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who g…

Charlie the Street Car Conductor Long joke that is passed down in my family So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated …

Down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a street car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one da…

After winning the Battle of New Orleans, Andrew Jackson commissioned an embroidered cloth depicting and commemorating his victory: It’s known as the Bayou Tapestry.

Why won't you ever hear the song Walking on Sunshine in New Orleans For the locals, Katrina and the Waves was not a good time

True Story that is also a joke. (It really is true.) I was doing tourist stuff in New Orleans one summer and had gone down to the waterfront. I was sitting on a bench looking out at the water when a guy came up to me and offered me a bet. He said, "I bet you $5 I can tell you where you got your shoes." I was from several states away so I figured there was no way this guy could guess which shoe store at the local mall I had purchased my sneakers at. So I agreed to the bet. The guy put out his …

I fly often for business. Yesterday, I had three bags to check. I said, "I'd like this bag to go to New Orleans, this one to Seattle, and the third to Chicago." The gate agent rolled her eyes and said, "We can't do that!" I immediately shot back, "Why? You did it last week."

Down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a street car conductor. When he finally became old enough

What do you call a fat guy, from New Orleans, that never tells the truth?","A jambo-laya. Thanks for coming out I'll be here till Thursday.

Guess what New york is going as for Halloween? New Orleans!

What do you call a fat guy, from New Orleans, that never tells the truth? A jambo-laya. Thanks for coming out, I'll be here till Thursday.

What is the playing surface of the New Orleans Superdome called? Mardi grass.