X-Post from /r/Standup: If I ever got on stage I'd give my version of the Teletubbies... Here's my skit on the Teletubbies. So I hate the Teletubbies. It's one of the most mindless children's shows I've ever seen. I sometimes had to watch it because my ex's nephew loved the show and when we baby sat him that's all he wanted to watch. To me all it is, is a bunch of weird looking giant different colored babies dancing around on an acid trip, with dumb shapes on their heads. How is this informative…

French Jokes What's the standard issue weapon in the French army? A white flag. What's the only French martial art? Parkour, the art running away. Like the entrance to Hogwarts, if you look at the French flag from exactly the right angle (like that of an invading army), it turns white. An American, Russian, and French soldier see a German machine gunner. The Russian calls on his comrades to repeatedly suicide charge the German until he runs out of bullets. The American calls for a synchronized b…

A long time ago Britain and France were at war. During one battle The French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters the French general began to question him. The French general asked ""Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"" In his bland English way the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot the blood won't show and th…

American scientists made a clocks ... that goes forward a second if someone swears near it. So for testing they put them in army barracks of England, France and Russia. After a while they go and check on clocks. In England clock is 2 second forward. In France clock is 30 seconds forward. They now visit Russia and see that clock is missing. They ask nearby solider :"What happened to the clock?". Solider replies : "We didn't need that fan in here."