Blonde Jokes

How does a blonde man get really rich,stupid and a candidate for president ? small loan of 100 million dollars

What does a blonde do when her car endures a hail storm? Jill woke up one morning after a hail storm that night. Her car had dents all over it. It was incredibly bad damage, so she brought it into a local auto repair to get the dents fixed. The mechanic, noticing that Jill was blonde, thought he would have a little fun. He simply told her that there is an easy solution to this dent problem of hers! He instructed her, ""go home and blow into the tailpipe of your car really really hard and all the…

A blonde is trying to put together a puzzle She simply cannot figure out how to do it, so she calls her boyfriend. He asks her: ""What is the puzzle is supposed to look like when finished?"" and she replies, "" it's supposed to look like a tiger."" He drives to her house, and when he gets there, he begins laughing hysterically. ""Why are you laughing?"" She asks. ""These are Frosted Flakes.""

Santy Clause comes down the chimney. [NSFW] A slim blonde beauty in a tiny bikini flashes her eye's at Santa and says ""can't you stay?"" ""Hohoho Santa's gotta go 2 feet of snow you know."" ""Awww Santa pleeease?"" she pleads as she lowers her straps and bites her lips. ""Hohoho Santa's gotta go 2 feet of snow you know."" ""Pleeeease?"" she asks once more as your clips off her bra and squeezes her perfect knockers together. ""Hohoho Santa's gotta go 2 feet of snow you know."" ""Come oonn Santaa…

Blonde's Bad Dream A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist. Psychologist: What is your dream about? Blonde: I am being chased by a vampire... Psychologist: So, where are you in this dream? Blonde: I am running in a hallway. Psychologist: Then what happens? Blonde: Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won't budge! Psychologi…

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar. The bartender sees them chatting, so he goes over to them and says ""Wow, what an honor to have the two of you here! What are you guys talking about?"" Trump responds with ""We are planning our tactics for World War III."" Curious, the bartender asks ""Really? What're your plans?"" ""We are going to kill 100 million Muslims, and one hot blonde chick with a nice rack"" says Trump. ""Really? Why the blonde chick?"" the bartender replies with. Trump t…

Trans-continental blonde .... A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

Chinese married a Chinese woman born baby blue eyes and blond hair, he called some thing wrong HAHAHAHA

Two Blonde Cowboys Two blonde cowboys are drinking at a bar when a man with an arrow in his leg bursts through door. He hobbles in, crying, and shouts, ""A raid of Indians just burned down my home, stole my cattle, and killed my family!"" The bartender scowls and says, ""Man, I hate these damn Indians. Any man who can bring me the scalp of an Indian will get $100 per head!"" The two blonde cowboys hear this, get excited. and run into the desert to find some Indians. A full day of riding later, t…

Man has been in prison for 30 years And he's dying for a shag. When he gets out he goes to a brothel he knows in town. He sais to the woman at the desk. ""I'm after a shag."" She sais ""How much have you got?"" So he throws a few coins onto the desk. She proceeds to laugh at the ex prisoner to which he replies grabbing her hastily and shaking her slightly. ""Please I need a shag!"" ""OK, OK!"" She sais telling him to go to room 18 and call her when he's done. He trots upstairs delighted, swings …

What do you call a blonde white guy with blue eyes who is an experienced soldier and who works with sick animals? A veteran Aryan.

Police officer and blonde... Cop pulls over blonde... Cop: licence and registration please! blonde: oh damn, I don't have it here with me.... cop: well I will have to write you a ticked... blonde: well I don't have any money with me either.... cop: well then it will be the smartest to make some kind of a deal, if you know what I mean :) blonde: what possible smart deal can we make? I am blonde and you are a cop...

Two blondes walk up to a bus stop... The first blonde walks up to the bus and asks, ""will this bus take me to the city centre?"" The driver replies, ""I'm afraid not."" The second blonde walks over, smiles sweetly and asks, ""will it take *me* there?""

Why did the zombie only eat blonde brains? She was on a diet.

Wanna hear a blonde joke Donald Trump

What is the difference between peanut butter and a blonde? The blonde is easier to spread!

What's a blonde's favorite color? A light shade of clear.

FREEKY BLONDE Blonde1- Hey can I have some of your shampoo? Blonde2- Yeah, why not use yours? Blonde1- Mine is for dry hair and I got it wet already

Blonde + TV sale A blonde walks into an electrical store and asks a clerk, ""how much for that TV?"" The clerk responded, ""sorry, we don't sell blondes"". The blonde gets angry and walks away, she dyes her hair brown and comes back, asking the same question, but having the same answer so she storms out again, dying her hair red before returning, having the same results so she dyes it black. This time after the same she got the same answer, annoyed at this she asks, ""how could you tell I was bl…

A CEO and his assistant go to a hotel. A CEO and his attractive blonde assistant arrived at the hotel for the night. The clerk informs them that they overbooked and only have one room left, after a long debate, the CEO says ""You know what I am a problem solver, we will just stay in the same room and figure it out"". Once they get in the room the CEO stated that he is a gentleman and lets his assistant have the bed and he will stay on the couch. After a few hours the CEO says ""Its kinda cold in…

2 blondes walking under the bridge when they saw an egg one said this is a dinosaur egg the other said no its an elephant egg the argued about it so they went to there elder blonde and asked her what kind of egg is this she said u idiots where did u find the egg they said under the bridge then she said then its obvious that this is the bridge egg

A red head, brunette and a blone compete in a breast stroke race across the ocean... After 45 minutes the red head finishes in 1st place, another 5 minutes later the brunette finishes the race coming 2nd, and after 4 long hours the blonde finally reaches the finish line. When asked why she took so long the blonde replied ""I don't mean to sound like a sore loser or anything but I swear those 2 were using their arms!""

Blonde finally wins A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game. The blonde, who's tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."" Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawy…

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are walking down an alley at night and they witness a murder. The murderer sees them and starts to chase after them. The 3 women find an old warehouse and inside they find 3 potato sacks on the floor. They each get into a different sack to hide. The murderer comes in, sees the sacks on the floor, and kicks the one with the brunette in it. He hears ""woof woof!"" and thinks ""oh there's just a dog in there"" He goes over to the one with the redhead in it and kick…

How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.