Blonde Jokes

Blond vs. deodorant A blond goes up to the pharmacist at her local drugstore to complain that the deodorant they sell doesn't work as expected. The pharmacist asks ""are you using it as directed"" to which she replied ""of course I am, see it says, remove cap and twist up bottom""

A businessman and a blonde sit next to each other on a plane. The businessman is bored so he asks the blonde to play a game."" I ask you a question. If you can't answer it you give me 5 dollars. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer I'll give you 5 dollars"". The blonde agrees but hikes up the businessman's penalty to 500 dollars, complaining that she's a blonde and thus less mentally capable than the businessman. The businessman asks her the distance between the earth and the moon. …

Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store. ""How much for these shoes?"" she asked the store manager. ""$200″ he replied. ""That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?"" the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, ""There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!"" he yelled. ""Fine. I will."" the blonde replied. Af…

Just another blonde joke My blonde girlfriend had just finished typing up her English paper, when she said, ""I think there's something wrong with your printer."" I asked, ""Oh, why's that?"" She replied, ""It's not printing the red squiggly lines under all the words.""

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners She hands him her dress which has a huge stain in the front. She pays him and says ""I need this dress for a party. So can you please get it cleaned by Thursday?"" Now the dry cleaner was very old and couldn't hear properly so he asks her ""Come again?"" The blonde blushes furiously and says ""No, it is mayonnaise this time""

Two blondes were walking down the railroad tracks. The first blonde said ""man, these steps are killing me!"" The second one said ""it's not the steps that are killing me, it's these low hand rails!""

What has blonde hair, blue eyes and tends to ailed animals? A VeterinArian.

I'm looking for a joke I heard a monologue once on the radio here in the UK. The monologue is in a film noir style and I'm pretty sure it starts with ""I was working on a case. I was working on a case because I couldn't afford a desk"" and has other lines such as ""A tall Blonde walked past the window, I knew she was tall because I was on the 13th floor. She rolled her eyes at me. I picked them up and rolled them back"" Anybody know the author/ full joke?

Why are all blond jokes 1 liners... So men can understand them too!

A blonde walked into the dentist office... ...and sat down in a chair. The dentist said: ""Open Wide"" ""I can't"" - The blonde said. - ""This chair has arms""

Joke Of tha DAy A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, ""I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."" She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to…

Golf Balls.... A man got on a bus, his driver in hand and pants pockets stuffed with golf balls, headed to the driving range. A blonde lady sitting across from him saw the bulges and started to stare at his crotch with big eyes. The man noticed, and in an embarrassed voice said to her, ""It's just golf balls, Ma'am."" The blonde continued to stare and finally asked, ""Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?""

Man, still a virgin, decides to try out his luck on his 30th birthday. He walks into a bar and drinks a few shots before mustering up the courage to go talk to the blonde. ""Excuse me miss, may I buy you a drink?"" He asks. ""I'm sorry, not tonight."" Back to the bar he goes for a few more shots then makes his way back to the lady. ""Do you mind telling why you won't share a drink with me? ""Oh, it's not you, I can't go home with you I'm on my menstrual cycle."" She says. ""Oh that's no big deal…

IDK Blonde: ""What does IDK stand for?"" Brunette: ""I don't know."" Blonde: ""OMG, nobody does!""

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police one day. When suddenly, they happened upon a barn. They ran inside to escape the boys in blue and barred the door on their way in. All that was in the barn was a few cows, a couple of pigs, and a pile of potatoes. They could hear the sirens approaching so they had to act fast. The brunette hid behind the cows, the redhead hid behind the pigs, and the blond behind the potatoes. The police broke in and surveyed the area. The brunette, …

Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? She missed.

What is a blonde's mating call? ''NEXT!''

Three girlfriends get lost while driving through the desert. Suddenly, the car runs out of gas and leaves them stranded in the middle the hot desert. They decide that they should split up and look for help. But before they go, they each take a part of the car with them to help them on their journey. The brunette friend goes first. She takes the car battery and car horn. ""I can use this to attract attention and be rescued!"" The redhead goes next. She takes the car hood. ""I can use it to slide …

This blonde woman went to a museum... ... she saw an antique katana inside a showcase, and asked the guide about it. ""*The case is thate for protection, ma'am.*"" The blonde looks at the antique again, then back at the guide. ""*Why would someone want to steal a glass box?*""

The policemen, the driver and the Titanic Two policemen stopped a Ferrari for a routine check. Inside the car were a distinct black man, with curly black hair and raven black eyes. - ""Documents please ... "" The driver shows his license and registration certificate. The patrol leader reads: - ""Name: Leonardo"" Amazed, he looks at the driver. - ""Last Name: DiCaprio"" Even more astonished,he looks again at the driver. - ""Blue eyes, blonde hair ..."" Now, turning to his colleague: - ""Hey Jim, …

A man is out for a hike down by the river when he notices a beautiful blonde woman sunbathing on the other side of the river....... He calls out to her, ""Oh, I didn't expect to see anyone out here as beautiful as you; How do I get to the other side?"". To which she replied ""What you mean, you're already on the other side"".

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? Because she kept throwing out all the W's

Blonde woman goes to the doctor... She tells the doctor that her husband has terrible dandruff and they've tried everything and it just keeps getting worse. Doctor tells the blonde to go home, give him head and shoulders, and come back in two weeks. Two weeks pass and the woman goes back to the doctor, ""I'm stumped, he still has dandruff and I don't know how to give him shoulders!""

two blonds and a river a blonde is walking along a river, having a good time. then she sees another blonde on the other side. she yells ""HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!!"" the other blonde yells back ""YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE!!""

Genie Lamp A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, ""Awwww, I wish my friends were here.""