Blonde Jokes

A blind guy goes into a bar. He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. ""Do you want to hear a blonde joke?"" he asks the bartender. ""Well, I'm a blonde, the bouncer's a blonde, the two guys sitting next to you are blonde, and so is the owner who's over there playing darts. Do you still want to tell it?"" she asks. Then the blind guy says, ""No, not if I have to explain it five times"".

What goes vroom rrt... vroom rrt... vroom rrt... A blond at a flashing red light.

What did the blonde medical student die from? An aneurysm.

Paris Hilton comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: ""Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, Paris Hilton comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: ""Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"" ""Yes, darling, very good."" Answers the mom. ""Is that because I'm blonde?"" she asks. ""Yes, d…

""I just heard that that one actress from Legally Blonde, Reese... 'whatever her last name is' got stabbed to death walking to her car last night."" ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife.""

I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes My parents named me Michael but I totally looked like a Ryan

""Hey, did you hear about the blonde that lost over 85% of her intelligence?"" ""No, actually. How'd it happen?"" ""I dunno, but I hear that it happened at around the same time her husband died.""

A blonde, brunette, & a redhead rob a bank... They are fleeing from the police through an old farm and see three old burlap sacks, they each hop in one to hide. The police walk up to the brunettes sack and kick it. The brunette goes ""woof woof"" the police say oh that just a sack of puppies and move on. They come to the next sack and it's the redheads, they kick it and the redhead yelps ""meow meow"" the police say oh it's just a sack of kittens and move on. They come to blondes sack and ki…

How do you confuse a blonde? You paint yourself green, and throw forks at her

A blond goes into a clothing store and sees a beautiful pair of crocodile boots. ""How much for the boots?"" She asked the salesman. ""$400"" the salesman replied. ""No way I would pay that much for boots!"" exclaimed the blond, as she quickly exited the store. Later that day, the salesman is driving home after finishing his shift, and sees the blond standing at the edge of the water, with several crocodiles lying on their backs on the shore. As he watched, amazed, the blond flawlessly flipped a…

Broke blonde. A blonde is out of a job and going door to door to make some cash. At one of the houses that she stops, an old man trying to impress his new young wife, tells the blonde that he might have some work for her the next day. He tells his wife, ""I'm going to have the blonde paint our entire porch for just $15. You wait and see."" The wife says, ""If she does as you say, I will do anything you want."" When the blonde returns the next day, the man hands the blonde a few gallons of paint …

A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says "" I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."" The lady replies ""Ma'am, this is a library."" The blonde looks around, then whispers "" I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."" (Credit goes to my dad for this one. He had another one that I can't remember but once I do I'm coming back to post it)

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burned. The doctor askes her what had happened. She says, ""well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone. ""Well that explains one ear, but what about the other."" ""The bastard called again""

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? An ironing board's legs are hard to open.

What's the difference between a blonde and a pair of sunglasses? The sunglasses sit higher on your face.

(Reverse?) Blonde Joke... So a blonde walks into a bank... So, a blonde woman goes into a bank in Downtown Manhattan, and says to the bank manager, ""I would like a $5000 loan please."" The bank manager says, ""that won't be a problem miss, but you will have to give us some collateral."" The blonde women smiles, pulls her car keys out of her purse, and hands them to the bank Manager. Then she says, ""I can offer you my car, it is 2015 Rolls Royce Phantom."" The bank manager looks incredulously a…

A Guy and a blonde... ...go on a date to a cheese and wine tasting place. They're trying all sorts of cheeses with random names. Then they make it to one and the blonde says, ""This is delicious what's it called?"" The guy says, ""it's mozzarella, have you never had it before?"" The blonde says, ""Mozzarella? I thought mozzarella was a tree!"" puzzled the guy reiterates, ""no, I'm pretty sure it's a cheese..."" ""Then where do Mozzarella Sticks come from?""

A blonde goes to a mechanic to ask about fixing dents in her car She asks the mechanic ""How can I fix the dents myself as I have no money to pay for the repairs."" The Mechanic being a funny guy responds ""Just blow into the exhaust pipe as hard as you can and the dents will disappear"". So the blonde goes home and starts blowing into the exhaust pipe. Another blonde is walking by and asks what she is doing. ""Getting rid of the dents by blowing into the exhaust. All the air will go inside the …

""Did you hear about that actress who stabbed her husband in the news today?"" ""Oh my goodness, no, who was it?"" ""It was a little blonde haired woman, I always forget her last name though. The first name is Reese."" ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with her knife.""

blonde joke Q: How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? A: Knock on the door.

BLOND DOG Q: Why does a blond dog have lumps on his head? A: He's been chasing parked cars.

A magical mirror will suck in anyone who lies to it. A skinny brunette goes up to the mirror and says ""I think I'm fat"" Boom sucked in. A redhead goes up to the mirror singing a Stevie Wonder song and says ""I think I can sing soul music"" Boom sucked in. Finally the blonde goes up to the mirror and says ""I think---"" Boom and the mirror sucks her in!

A guy sees a blonde across a lake He shouts to her ""Hey how'd you get on the other side of the lake?"" she replies ""You're on the other side of the lake!""

Did you hear about the blonde who froze to death at the drive in theater? She went to see Closed for the winter.

A girl comes home from school... She tells her mother, ""Mommy, today we started first grade and the teacher asked us to count to 20 and I counted to 100! Is it because I'm blonde?"" ""Yes dear it's because you're blonde"" says the mother happily. The girl comes home the next day and announces, ""Mommy, the teacher taught us the letter C and I could say until the letter Z! Is it because I'm blonde?"" ""Yes dear, it's because you're blonde"" the mother answers proudly. Thd next day the girl comes…