Blonde Jokes

Two teenage girls and their dad live in a small village A blonde, younger girl and an older brunette It's a poor family, with nothing but a telegraph machine and a $100. One day the dad dies, leaving the two girls alone. The older girl decides to step up and try to solve at least one of the problems that they were facing: hunger. So she decides to go into town to buy a bull. She tells her younger sister that she will send her a message if she manages to buy one, seeing as she wouldn't be able to…

A man goes home, and finds his blonde girlfriend hanging from the staircase and crying with a rope around her stomach... ""Honey, what are you doing?"" ""I tried to hang myself, but when I put the rope around my neck I couldn't breathe.""

Two blondes are walking through a forrest... They come across some tracks and the first blonde says."" I think these are deer tracks"". The second blonde says."" No these look like rabbit tracks"". They keep arguing untill an hour later they were hit by a train.

""Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."" There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, ""Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead.""

A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt. A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate. She touched her nose and it hurt. She touched her stomach and it hurt. The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes. ""Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!

mosquito and a blonde joke what's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde ? A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it..

How do you confuse a blonde? Give her a coloring book, and tell her to color in all the pages with a white crayon.

A blonde is standing near a fence. A guy is walking through the countryside along a trail, when he sees a blonde woman standing near a fence. He walks up to her and asks why shes just standing there. The blonde woman gestures at the nearby field and says ""All of this belongs to me"". She turns and points down the path the man was about to continue walking down and says ""that path ALSO belongs to me, just to me, no-one else but me"". The man gives a disgusted sigh, thinking ""Stuck up Rich bitc…

BLONDE COUNTING Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. ""No!"" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. ""For the last time, no!"" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, ""Well, why the hell not?"" The blonde says, ""Because I wanna stay up here with you!""

Cop sees several cars parked in the dark, rocking side to side. He goes up to the 1st car and knocks on the window. A brunette rolls down the window and says: ""It's ok officer, we are just doing the Samba."" Cop goes to the 2nd car and knocks, a redhead rolls down the window and says: ""It's ok officer, we are just doing the Mambo. Cop goes on to the 3rd car and knocks, a blonde rolls down the window. Cop asks her: ""And I suppose you are doing the Bossa Nova?"" ""No officer,"" she replies, ""I…

A blonde is driving down a one way street. As all the cars are passing her a cop see's this and pulls her over. He begins to ask, ""Excuse me ma'm but do you know where your going?"" The blonde, ""No but it must be a horrible place because eveyone is leaving.""

A blonde is at work and asks... A blonde is at work and asks her friend what her new thermos is. She replies ""It is to keep hot things hot and cold things cold"". The next day the blonde comes into work with a new thermos. Her friend asks what is in it and she replies ""Ice cream and soup"".

A blonde goes to the barber while wearing headphones She asks for a haircut. The barber accepts but suggest her to take of her headphones, to which the blonde replies she can't cause otherwise she'll die. The barber is confused, but decides to start cutting her hair anyway. Halfway, the barber asks again if the blonde can remove her headphones to which she responds again: ""I can't, cause otherwise I'll die"". A while later the barber says:"" Ma'am, you'll have to remove your headphones otherwis…

A blond, brunette, and a redhead were running from the local sheriff... ...when they come to a barn. All three run in and look for somewhere to hide. The brunette sees some potato sacks and tells the other girls they should all hide in them. The sheriff and his deputies arrive and start looking for them. As they're about to leave, the sheriff spots one of the sacks moving. He walks up to it and kicks the one with the brunette in it. When he does, he hears a loud ""meooooww!"" Oh, it's just a cat…

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are on a desert island. The blonde, starts swimming home and drowns. The redhead builds a raft, starts paddling then it sinks and she drowns. The brunette uses the bridge.

A blonde leans against a tree and the tree collapses... The cleverer give in.

A magician walks up to a blonde, brunette, and a redhead... He asks them to tell him something that they think is true. If it's not true, the person who told him that will disappear. The Brunette goes first, and says: ""I think I'm pretty..."" She disappears. Then the Redhead goes next: ""I think I'm popular."" She, too, disappears. Finally, the Blonde goes last. She says the following: ""Hmm... I think..."" ~~Just before she could think of something, she disappeared.~~ Before she could say the …

A Russian, American and Blonde were in a bar... The Russian started a conversation: Russian: You know, we were the first in outer space American: Oh yeah, we landed on the moon Blonde: You know what, we'll land on the Sun Russian (Confused): But it's too hot American: Yeah, you'll burn before you know what happened Blonde: I know right? THAT'S WHY I'M GOING AT NIGHT!

Trump is a blonde He has yellow hair! Wocka wocka!

How do you drown a blonde? Stick a scratch and sniff to the bottom of a pool.

Easter joke Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, ""What is Easter?"" The blonde replies, ""Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful and stuff..."" ""Wrong!,"" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, ""What is Easter?"" The second blonde replies, ""Easter …

What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan.

Three blondes arrive at the gates of St. Peter There's a lot of openings in heaven, so St. Peter decides to give them an easy test. He says to them, ""If you can tell me what Easter is, you can come in"" The first blonde says, ""Easter is that time in November where we eat turkey and are really thankful!"" St. Peter was surprised by this, but nevertheless he looked at the next blonde. ""Easter is that time in December where we celebrate Jesus' birth!"" she said. St. Peter was blown away. He look…

What do you call a blond with one strand of hair dyed black? A glimmer of hope