Blonde Jokes

attractive blonde female A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and …

Blonde goes to the Doctor... A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, ""Ouch, that hurts!"" The doctor said, ""I know your problem."" The blonde asked, ""Is it bad, doctor?"" The doctor replied, ""No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee.""

A blonde and a brunette were sitting outside on a porch.... ... The brunette notices her husband approaching her with flowers. The brunette says: ""Oh great, flowers. Looks like I'll be on my back with my legs spread open all weekend."" The blonde says: ""Why? Don't you have a vase?""

The blond that respected my privacy . Well I finally got a roommate.the only problem was.I could never get up early e ough to get to use the bathroom and she would stay in there for hours so I went to the hardware store and bought one of those hook and eye doorlocks so as I was installing the lock she ask me why I was putting it on the outside of the door I told her if it was locked she would know I was.using the bathroom. Problem solved

Blonde and a supermarket A blonde walks into a supermarket and gets some yogurt. She carefully observes the packaging and stars opening all the yogurt containers in the store. The security guard noticed and approached the woman, he asks ""You aren't allowed to open these yogurts here!"" She then replies ""But it says 'Open Here' on the packaging!""

A blonde woman is at a library. She walks up to the clerk and says, ""I'd like a burger, some fries and a milkshake."" Somewhat angered by this request, the clerk says ""Ma'am, this is a *library*."" The blonde woman looks around. Having confirmed for herself it was a library, she turns to the clerk. ""Oh, right. Sorry about that."" Looking embarassed, she whispers ""I'd like a burger, some fries and a milkshake.""

A blonde walks into a bar...... A blonde walks into a bar that has a sign marked: ""For Men Only"". ""I'm sorry, ma'am,"" says the bartender. ""We only serve men in this place."" ""That's OK, "" says the blonde. ""I'll take two of them...""

This is the story of a blonde.... who's flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day on his microphone: ""May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"" She hears a voice over the radio saying: ""This is Air Traffic Control and I hear you loud and clear. I've already had experience with this kind of problem. I will talk you through this a…

How do you keep a blonde in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow.

If a blonde and a brunette were tossed off a building together, who would hit the ground first? The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

The blonde couldn't add Question: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? Answer: She couldn't find the 10 key.

a door hinge A blonde walked into her local hardware store and asked the handsome, young assistant behind the counter for a door hinge. ""Would you like a screw with that hinge, young lady?"" he asked. ""No, thanks!"" she replied, ""but I'll give you a blow job for that watering can in the window.""

Why did the Blonde go to a Phone Repairman to get her anus bleached? Because she needed help changing her ring tone.

Two blondes were walking around... ...when they saw some tracks. One blonde said, ""Look, rabbit tracks!"" The other blonde said, ""No they're fox tracks!"" ""Rabbit tracks!"" ""Fox tracks!"" ""Rabbit tracks!"" ""Fox tracks!"" They kept arguing like this until the train came and ran them over.

Blonde A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password.""The problem is that whenever I type password,it just shows stars,""she says.""Those asterisks are to protect you.""the Help Desk technician explains,""so if someone were standing behind you,they wouldn't be able to read your password."" ""Yeah,""she says,""but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.""

My blonde gf dropped a mug on her feet, spilling her salt over her desk at work... ...Successfully sued claiming to have been mugged and assaulted

What does a blonde do to impress others Names herself as James, then introduces herself as I am blonde, James Blonde

A blonde, brunette and a redhead are trying to get into heaven A blonde, brunette, and a redhead died in an accident and are now standing before God. God is awaiting them at the top of a staircase that leads to the gates of heaven. God then says to them, ""If you wish to enter heaven, you will have to climb these hundred steps to the top, but for every step you climb I will tell a joke. If you laugh at any of the jokes before you reach the top, you will have to start over."" The three begin to c…

A blonde walks in to an electrical store... And asks to buy the TV in the window. The manager refuses to sell it to her and when she asks why he replies 'because your blonde'. The next week she dyes her hair red and returns to the store to buy the TV but once again the manager refuses to sell it to her because she is blonde. She leaves again wondering how he knew she was blonde and decided drastic measures needed to be taken. The blonde dyes her hair black and goes back to the shop to buy the TV…

Why did the blonde have an Abortion? She wasn't convinced the baby was hers.

What do you call a smart blond? A golden retriever.

A blonde buys a thermos She brings it to work and shows it off to all of her friends. friend: ""What does it do?"" blonde: ""It keeps warm this warm and cold things cold."" friend: ""What do you have in it right now?"" blonde: ""A cup of coffee and two popsicle!""

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito will stop sucking after you slap it.

The Blonde Waitress Customer: Can I have some coffee without cream please? Blonde Waitress: We are fresh out of cream, sir. Can I bring you coffee without milk instead?

Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are planning WW3 in a bar. The bartender asks ""what are you guys going todo?"" Cruse says, ""kill 200,000 Muslims"" and ""One big breasted blonde woman."" Bartender asked ""Why the blonde woman"" Trump says ""I knew no one would care about the Muslims.""