Blonde Jokes

How do you find a blonde girl in long grass.. Quite nice actually.

Why did the blonde snort Nutrasweet? Because she thought it was Diet Coke

Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine? The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!

Blonde Auto Repair... A blonde was driving to the mall (of course!) when she got caught in a sudden hailstorm with hail the size of golf balls. Her car was ruined. She took it to a body shop and asked the appraiser, ""How much to fix it?"" The appraiser's answer was $5,000. The fair-hair girl exclaims, ""Wow! That much? Isn't there something else I could do?"" He decided to have a little fun. ""Well, maybe if you blew real hard into the tail pipe, those dents would just pop out."" ""Really? Okay…

THE BLONDE AND THE COW A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, ""'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"" The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy take…

Three blonds were arguing over tracks they saw on the ground... First blond: ""these are clearly deer tracks!"" Second blond: ""nu-uh bitch these are moose tracks!"" Third blond: ""well actually...-"" *And that's when the train hit them!*

How to deal with a blonde on a plane There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said, ""Excuse me, ma'am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here."" The blonde replied, ""I can and I will."" The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. ""Ma'am, we really can't have you staying in this seat, your ticket was …

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are enrolled in a university physics class. The day before the exam, they realize that they are in way over their heads. So, they come up with a plan to steal the answer key from the professor's office. That night, they pick the lock, check his desk drawers, and sure enough find the 100-question multiple choice answer sheet. They snap a picture of it and spend the remainder of the night carefully writing the answers on their arms. The next morning, they are seated…

3 Pregnant Women Joke Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, ""I know what I'm going to have."" The other to asked how. She replied, ""Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy"". The red head said, ""If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, ""PUPPIES, PUPPIES!"".

What do you call a Redhead who dyes her hair Blonde? TransGinger

What do you call a blonde with brown hair? artificial intelligence

A redhead tells her blonde sister ""I slept with a Brazilian""... The blonde says ""OMG! you slut! How many is a brazilian?""

A BLONDE & HER TWO COATS.... While her husband was at work, a blonde decided to paint their living room. After her husband arrives home, he finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a parka and a mink. He asked her what she was doing. She said, ""I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb, and I wanted to do it by painting the living room."" He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but asked, ""Why are you wearing two coats? She re…

Jim, John, and Jack die, and meet St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter greets them saying, ""Welcome to Heaven. You are free to do as you please, but we have one rule: don't step on a duck."" Amused, the three men laugh and agree. Once through the pearly gates, they look around them, and the place is positively flooded with ducks. They're absolutely everywhere, and it isn't long before Jim steps on one. As punishment, he is chained to an enormous, ugly, smelly woman for all eternity. John…

What's it called when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? Artificial Intelligence.

A man got on a bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful ... (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many glances from her, he said, ""It's golf balls."" The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, ""Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ??!!""

Breast Feeding A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, ""Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right breast is hanging out."" As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, ""Ma'am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?"" She says, ""Why, officer?"" ""Well, your breast is hanging out."" She looks down and says ""OMIGO…

A black guy walks into a bar... A blond across the room is drunk and feeling frisky, so she walks up and asks, ""is it true what they say about black guys?"" Black guy says, ""Lets go outside and find out."" So they go out to the parking lot, he stabs her and steals her purse. Get it?

What did the blonde do after she combed her hair? .. She pulled her pants up.

BLONDE'S STARTING SALARY A boss tells a blonde applicant, ""I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So when would you like to start?"" She replies, ""In three months.""

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde... A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are being chased by a serial killer, they run into a barn and hide in three sacks of potatoes. The killer walks up to the first bag and shakes it. ""Meow meow"" goes the brunette. ""Just a dumb cat."" The killer thinks out loud. He goes to the second bag and shakes it. ""Arf arf"" goes the redhead. ""Just a dumb dog."" Says the killer. He goes to the third bag and shakes it. ""Potato potato!"" Yells the blonde.

A blonde lady driving. A blonde lady is driving and pulled over by a blonde cop. When the cop walks up to the car and asks for license and registration the blonde lady complains she doesn't know what a license is. The cop explains that it's something you keep in your purse, is square and has your picture on it. She looks in her purse and finds her small mirror. She sees herself in the mirror and thinks this must be her license. She hands the mirror to the blonde cop and he looks into it and sees…

Two guys go to the beach for the weekend. The first guy, Donnie, is getting looks from girls all day long, while Jimmy is ignored. Jimmy is completely blown away by this. They are both about the same size, with similar features. How could Donnie be so much more attractive. They could barely walk anywhere without some hot blonde in a bikini biting her lip and smiling at Donnie while she looked him up and down. By the end of the day Donnie had five of their numbers. That night, after a few drinks,…

Two blondes talking to each other... One asks the other, ""Which one do you think is closer, Florida or the Moon?"" The other blonde says, ""Well duh! You can't see Florida from here.""

(Long) A blonde girl was asked to climb a Mango tree. (nsfw) So a guy was walking down the street and he sees a cute blonde girl wearing a short skirt. So he goes up to her and says, ""Hey there I was wondering if you could climb that mango tree and grab that mango there for $5."" ""Sure why not!"" she replied. After getting the mango the guy thanks her and goes on his way. Her mother saw what happened and said ""don't do that next time because all he wanted was to see your panties."" ""I know t…