Blonde Jokes

A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears. ""What in the world happened to you?"" she asked. ""It was the craziest thing,"" said the blonde. ""I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'hello?'"" ""But what happened to your other ear?"" ""I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?""

Blonde Joke gone bad Brother: Why did the blonde climb over the transparent glass wall? Sister: I don't know, why? Brother: To see what was on the other side. Sister: Pause. *Confused Look.* Wait.. but.. why didn't she just walk around it?

What is the difference between a female blond and a female mosquito? A female mosquito can raise a family when she is done sucking.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a pretty blonde and a homely brunette... ...are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The brunette thinks 'I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.…

Blonde tries to buy a tv So this blonde girl goes to a store and say to the salesman that she wants to buy the tv right behind him , he says that he doesnt sell to blondes She is pissed off, leaves the store but she wants that tv so bad , so she buys a black wig and go to the store again to try to buy that tv Again the salesman tells her that he dont sell to blonde girls , so she ask him how he knows that she is a blonde girl He says "" because that's not a tv , that's a microwave ""

So a blonde goes to a lying competition... The goal of the competition is to tell the most convincing, outrageous lie. The blonde thinks for days and days over what lie she is going to tell but she is never able to come up with a good one. On the day of the competition, she walks up on stage, still lacking a good lie. She reaches for the microphone, grasping for any idea, and stares at the crowd. ""hmm, let me think about this"", she mutters to herself. The crowd breaks into cheers and applause,…

Another blond joke. Theres three girls running from the police: one is blonde, one is a redhead, and the other is a brunette. They go into this barn to hide, and see a few potato sacks on the floor, so they each crawl inside one to hide. The police catch up and come into the barn, and they see the potato sacks on the floor. One of the cops goes up to the first sack with the brunette in it and nudges it with his foot, and the brunette goes, meow, meow really softly. The cop says, oh, its just kit…

In the gynecologist There were three women in the gynecologist taking prenatal exams. The doctor asked the first woman: In which position were the babies conceived? And she said: He was on top. You are going to have a boy!! - the doctor said. And the doctor asked the same question the second woman: I was on top. You are going to have a girl! In that, the third woman, the blond one, began to cry. What's wrong lady? I'm... I'm... I'm going to have puppiiiiieeeeees.

A blonde walks into a restaurant and orders a pizza The man at the counter asks her, ""Would you like it sliced up in six pieces or in eight pieces?"" She thought for a while and answers, ""Make it six. Eight pieces are too much for me to finish.""

""wanna hear a blonde joke?"" A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, ""Wanna hear a blonde joke?"" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, ""Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm 1.83m tall, 80kg black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 1.88m, weighs 100kg, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 1.97m, pushing 140kg, and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you sti…

A speeding blonde. One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works. ""I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"" ""What's a license?"" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump. ""It's usually in your wallet,"" r…

A man in need of a brain A man was dying in the hospital and he needed a new brain or he wouldn't survive for long, the doctor told him there were 3 available brains but each with a price. The first one was an professor's brain that costs 3000 dollar The second brain was a teachers brain that costs 2500 dollar The third brain was the brain of a blonde woman that costs a good 9000 dollar The man asks why the blondes brain is so expensive The doctor replies: because it's never used

A blonde, ginger, and brunette escape from prison and the police are chasing after them. The three women decide to hide and find a secluded alley to hide in. The brunette hides inside of a trash can, the ginger inside of a cardboard box, and the blonde inside of a potato sack. The police find the secluded and kick the things that are laying around, starting with the trash can. The brunette barks mimicking a dog and the police pass. The police then kick the cardboard box and the ginger meows. The…

Donald Trump, wearing a Trump Suit stepped into the Trump Elevator in Trump Tower A stunningly beautiful blonde woman was already in the lift. She said ""If I give you $1,000, will you let me blow you?"" Trump thought about it for a second, then replied ""What's in it for me?""

A blonde 8 year old girl is walking home one day... ... when she finds a welders mask. She thinks to herself ""awesome"" and puts it on and continues on her walk. A few minutes later a middle aged dude pulls up alongside the little girl and says ""Hey kid, nice mask, wanna lift?"" The little girl doesn't know any better and decides to take him up on his offer. So the kid sits in the passenger seat playing with the mask. The guy turns to him and asks ""hey... uh.... do you know what sodomy is?"" …

A lawyer and a blonde are on a plane It's a long international flight, so about half way through the lawyer is really bored. Being a smart guy he figures he'll have some fun with the blond lady sitting next to him. ""Let's play a game"" he says. ""No, I just want to sleep."" She replies, and turns over. Being persistent, the lawyer continues, ""it's a really fun game. I ask you a question and if you can't get it right, you pay me $5 dollars. You ask me a question and I can't get it right, I'll p…

A Blonde was down on her luck... A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ""I've kidnapped you."" She then wrote a note saying, ""I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."" The Blonde then taped the note to the kid…

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, ""T-G-I-F."" He smiled at her and replied, ""S-H-I-T."" She looked puzzled and repeated, ""T-G-I-F,"" more slowly. He again answered, ""S-H-I-T."" The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, ""T-G-I-F."" The man smiled back to her and once again, ""S-H-I-T."" The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-…

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette>>> <<<are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The brunette thinks 'I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and sh…

A Chinese, a Japanese, a slender dark haired girl, and a homely brunette... ...are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the mountains. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Japanese is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The dark haired girl thinks 'I bet that dirty Japanese fondled the blonde and she s…

Blonde's Appendicitis A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, ""You have acute appendicitis."" The blonde says, ""That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help.""

A ventriloquist is working a nightclub. He tells several ""dumb blonde"" jokes, with his dummy getting all the punchlines. After a while a blonde woman in the audience stands up. ""These jokes are really offensive!"" she says. ""You're making it sound like all blondes are stupid. I'm a blonde, and *I'm* certainly not stupid!"" ""I'm sorry, Miss,"" says the ventriloquist. ""The jokes were meant in fun. I apologize if you were offended."" ""Listen, buddy, you stay out of this,"" says the blonde. "…

Blind, Blonde, & Ballsy A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, ""Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"" The man says back to the blind man, ""Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"" The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, ""Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times.""

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening... She runs to her mum and says: ""Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1 ,2 ,3 ,4 ,5 ,6 ,7 ,8 ,9 ,10! I'm smart aren't I?"" ""Yes, darling, very good."" Answers the mom. ""Is that because I'm blonde?"" she asks. ""Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde."" The mom says. Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: ""Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabe…

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Because she threw away all the w's!