Blonde Jokes

So a Jew, a blonde, and a Narcissistic billionaire walks into a bar... Then the bartender says: These presidental elections are starting to seem like a joke.

How did the actress from Legally Blonde die? Witherknife

A scientist wants to prove that blond girls are really dumb So the scientist gathered a room full of blond grils. He asks one to come forward and asks: ""what is 1+1."" The blond girls anwers 2, the scientist says that he has proven his statement. But al the blond girls are saying that she deserves another change. So he asks again: ""what is 1+1."" This time the blond girls answers 3, again wrong says the scientist. But once again all the blond are saying that she deserver another chance. allrig…

Abracadabra A blonde, brunette, and a red are frolicking on the beach when the blonde suddenly trips over a bottle in the shape of a phallus. Blonde: What is this? What do we do with it? Red head: We're supposed to rub it silly! So they huddle around the bottle and using both hands they all rubbed the bottle up and down ferociously. Poof! A Genie squirts out of the bottle. Genie: Thank you so much for that release. For that I shall grant you 3 wishes. You may each have 1 wish. The Genie turns to…

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire... ...A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said, ""It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable."" ""That's correct"", said the boss. Another glass... ""This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a sout…

A blonde called tech support and was asked for her password She replies, ""Snoopy Snow White Cinderella Dopey Pinocchio Harry Potter Ariel 8."" The tech support guy ask, ""Why such a long password?"" ""I was told it needs to have 7 characters and one number."" She replies.

3 Pregnant Women Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, ""I know what I'm going to have."" The other to asked how. She replied, ""Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy"". The red head said, ""If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, ""PUPPIES, PUPPIES!"".

A Blonde texts her friend A blonde texts her friend and asks ""what does IDK stand for?"" The friend replies ""I don't know"" The blonde texts back ""shit, no one seems to know""

Blonde goes to market She sees old man selling apple seeds for $5 a piece, so she asks why these seeds so expensive, to which old man replies that the seeds make you smarter if you eat them. So blonde buys 5 seeds and eats them, than thinks for a moment and says: I could have bought 5 pounds of apples for that price. Old man replies: see, you are already smarter. Blonde: OK, give me 5 more.

What was the blond doing in the middle of the sea? Bouncing on a buoy (boy)

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says............ A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, ""Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"" The man said to the blind man, ""Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"" The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, ""Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain i…

Blonde jokes... Q: whats the difference in a blonde and a trampoline? A:you have to take your shoes off before you get on a trampoline. Q:whats the difference in a blonde and a limo? A:not everyone has been in a limo

Blind man enters bar. He sits at the counter, and orders a drink. After loafing for a while, he says to the bartender: ""Hey, want to hear a blonde joke?"" The atmosphere suddenly becomes tense, and silence falls around him. Suddenly, a deep feminine voice towers over to him: ""I bench press 800 pounds at the gym every day. My girlfriend here has a black belt in judo, karate, and sumo. The bartender here isn't too slow himself, and he's trying to serve up four full tables. And you know what, bud…

A blind man logs into reddit and find his way to the subreddit ""Jokes"". After browsing a bit, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy posts, ""Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"" Reddit immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep, font, the blonde woman in the opposite side of the world replies, ""Before you tell that joke, know we have seen it. It was on reddit yesterday and the day before that. The woman on the other other side of the world is a blonde and a pro wrestler. Th…

My Blonde neighbor says me and my friends suck at basketball. I asked her why and she said, ""Because double teaming is against the rules""

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, ""All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."" ""No,"" she says, ""I just want to sleep."" He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.…

A ventriloquist is on stage telling a blonde joke .... everyone is laughing hysterically until A blonde comes storming up on stage and starts yelling ""Hey Jerk, not all blondes are dumb, I should know. You should stop NOW with these cheap jokes!"" The ventriloquist says "" OK, OK, I'm sorry! I won't do it again.."" The blonde interrupts him and says ""You shut up! and stay out of this, I'm talking to the Jerk on your knee!!""

Knock knock Who's there A blond Blond who I'm just blond, does this seem like a joke? No, you're the joke :3

Heading to Vegas A man comes home to find his blonde wife of 15 years packing her suitcase. ""Where do you think you're going?"" exclaims the surprised husband. ""I am booked on the next flight out to Las Vegas! I found out that there are thousands of good looking men who will gladly pay me $500 for what I give you for free!"" The man was taken aback but stood there considering his response for a moment, and then without a word got out his clothes to pack in his suitcase, whistling a happy tune.…

An electrical engineer is talking to a blonde the blonde asks: ""What do you do for a living?"" The engineer replies "" I make chips"" ""Oh yummy!""

Fred: ""I can't believe Ben is in the hospital. Just yesterday, I saw him with a gorgeous blonde."" Bob: ""So did his wife.""

I was walking down the Street minding my own business the other day when someone screamed at me and Shouted ""Oi, Ginger Paedophile!"" I was so disturbed and hurt, I couldn't believe someone had called me such a vile and disgusting word! I'm clearly Strawberry blonde!

A pair of golfers in a convertible pull into a full service gas station. A blonde attendant fills up the tank then approaches the driver for payment. As he reaches into his pocket for some cash he also produces a couple of tees. The blonde asks, ""What are those?"" The driver says, ""They're tees. They hold your balls while you're driving."" Astonished, the blonde says, ""Jeeze, you convertible owners have everything!""

The Art of the Deal A middle-aged frumpy couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde. ""I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price,"" said the man. ""Yet I just heard you close the deal for $65,000 to the lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model."" ""Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, ho…

A blonde, brunette and a redhead... ...have a breaststroke race across the English Channel. The brunette comes in first, the redhead comes in second, and the blonde never finishes. In the lifeboat, the blonde says, ""I don't want to be a tattletale, but the other two used their arms.""