Blonde Jokes

Painting the living room. While her husband was at work, a blonde decided to paint their living room. After her husband arrives home, he finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a parka and a mink. He asked her what she was doing. She said, ""I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb, and I wanted to do it by painting the living room."" He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but asked, ""Why are you wearing two coats? She replied, …

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, ""I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."" The first said, ""I wish I were smarter."" So, she became a redhead. The second blonde said, ""I wish I were smarter than she is."" She became a brunette. The third blond ordered, ""I wish I were smarter than both of them!"" So, she became a man.

A life long union supporting man decides to take a trip to Vegas... When he arrives he decides he is going to look into the brothels that he has heard about. He walks into one and calls the Madam over. ""Is your brothel union? He asks. ""Nope."" replies the Madam. ""What is the house cut?"" He asks. ""The house gets 70% and the girls get 30%"" He shakes his head in disgust and decides to take his money elsewhere. He finds another brothel down the street and enters, calls the Madam over and asks …

A smart doctor joke A redhead walks into the Doctor's office and says, ""Doctor, please help me....I ache all over"". The Doctor says, ""really, let me see if I can help...show me where it hurts"". The redhead points down to her knee, pokes it and screams in pain. The Doctor nods, takes some notes and asks...""Anwhere else?"". The girl points to her head, taps her skull and lets out a squeal of pain. The doctor raises his eyebrows, nods a bit, and says...""Hmmm..that is interesting....where else…

Did you hear about the actress who stabbed her husband at dinner? That blonde girl Reese.... Not Witherspoon, with her knife.

All blondes go to war to prove they are not stupid. They some how get a lot of guns and doing major damage. Hiding behind bushes and coming out and shooting people. Military came up with a strategy to get them out in the open. Since majority of blondes are named ""Matthew"" they would start yelling Matthew where ever the suspect it. Military yells Matthew and blonde man says ""what"" and he gets shot down. It worked every time. Soon they start loosing a lot of their men Blondes thought that ther…

paint my porch A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a ""handy-woman"" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. ""Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,"" he said. ""How much would you charge me?"" The blonde quickly responded, ""How about $50?"" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in…

So here i am sitting at a bar when a beat up blonde walks in. She ran into many bars.

I visited a Blonde Doctor recently she diagnosed me with Insomnia. Don't worry she said it wasn't anything to lose sleep over.

I told a blonde joke She didn't get it.

A blonde women just found out some frightening statistics... She was just informed that over 90% of car accidents happen within 10 miles of the persons house. So she moved.

Brain Stew Once upon a time, a man goes to a restaurant to eat dinner. On the menu he sees various kinds of brain stew. The lamb brain stew is $20, the fish brain stew is $25, the chicken brain stew is $15, the cow brain stew is $30 and so on, at the bottom he sees blonde brain stew and that is $999. Curious, the man calls the waiter and asks him, ""I see the brain stew is reasonable for different animals, but why is the blonde brain stew so expensive?"" The waiter replies, ""Sir, we rarely find…

Spiderman agrees on a one-night stand with a hot blonde Once they got a room, he proceeds to remove his costume revealing his pecker. Seeing it, the Blonde responds.. :""Hmmm..wait a minute..are you sure you're not Ant Man?""

A Dumb blonde is pulled over by a cop... He says: You were going 95km/h. The dumb blonde responds: but I haven't been driving for an hour.

why was the blonde staring at the light bulb for long hours with her mouth open? because the doctor advised her to ""eat light""

Why was the blonde staring at the box of orange juice for a long time? because it said ""CONCENTRATE""

Blondes is a nutshell Blonde: ""What does IDK stand for?"" Brunette: ""I don't know."" Blonde: ""OMG, nobody does!""

Two blondes were on a plane flying from London to New York An hour into the flight, a loud explosion was heard and the plane shook, alarming all the other passengers. After a few minutes, the captain announced ""One of our engines has malfunctioned. However, we have three engines left but that would mean that our flight would be an hour longer. Thank you for your patience"". Thirty minutes later, another boom was heard and captain announced ""One more engine has failed and the flight will be two…

Lawyer and Blonde A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a plane and the lawyer suggests a little game to pass the time. They'll take turns asking questions. If she can't answer, she gives him $5. If he can't answer, he gives her $50. So he asks her ""What's 5*95?"" She hands him $5. She then asks him, ""What goes up with two legs and comes down with three legs?"" He can't answer, so he hands her $50. He then says to her, ""Wait. What's the answer to your question?"" Without a w…

A man has lost his wife... ...in a shopping mall. He looks all over for her, but she's nowhere to be found. He asks a guard for some help. ""What does she look like?"" The guard asks. ""Well she's short, about 5'2"". She has short, brown hair. She's wearing jeans and a striped top. Last I saw she had a Yankee Candle bag. Please, I'm fearing the worst here."" ""We'll do whatever we can to find her, sir."" Suddenly, a tall blonde woman walks out of a store. She's wearing a polka dot dress, and hol…

American Football and the Blonde - Emailed from my mom A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. ""Oh, I really liked it,"" she replied, ""especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."" Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, ""What do you mean?"" ""Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and the…

Hiding From Cops A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, ""Meow."" The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, ""Woof."" The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She say in her sweetest voice, ""Potato.""

A blonde enters a library She goes up to the librarian and says ""I will have a Big Mac, large fry and a coke."" The librarian, a bit confused, says ""sorry miss, but this is a library."" The blonde is very embarrassed and says ""I'm so sorry,"" and then proceeds to whisper ""I will have a Big Mac, large fry and a coke.""

A blonde wants help with a jigsaw puzzle... ...She calls her boyfriend and asks him to come over and give her a hand. ""Alright"", he agrees, ""what is it supposed to be?"" ""Um.. I think it's a tiger, but I'm not 100% on that, I'm having the hardest time figuring this thing out!"" The boyfriend arrives some time later. ""Thank God you're here, I don't even know where to begin!"", she tells him. ""It's over on the kitchen table."" The boyfriend walks over and sees the box. ""Honey, why don't you…

A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. ""How do they feel?"" asks the salesclerk. ""Well, they feel a bit tight,"" replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde's feet. ""Try pulling the tongue out,"" offers the clerk. ""Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,"" the blonde replies.