The House Jokes

A life long union supporting man decides to take a trip to Vegas... When he arrives he decides he is going to look into the brothels that he has heard about. He walks into one and calls the Madam over. ""Is your brothel union? He asks. ""Nope."" replies the Madam. ""What is the house cut?"" He asks. ""The house gets 70% and the girls get 30%"" He shakes his head in disgust and decides to take his money elsewhere. He finds another brothel down the street and enters, calls the Madam over and asks …

Hopefully this isn't a repost, but I love this one. A group of men are changing in locker room at a golf club. Suddenly a cell phone on the bench starts to ring, and a man puts it on speaker phone as he continues getting dressed. He says "Hello?", the woman on the other line says "Honey, it's me. Are you still at the golf club?" "Yeah, what's going on?" "I'm out shopping and found this great new leather coat, and it's only $500 dollars, can I get it?" "Sure, if you like it" "Thank you! I wa…

An Iranian Joke: Tranlated A man was laying on his death bed at home. His beautiful wife sat by his side, holding his hand. He was dismayed about his wife being with another man. He knew that this was probably inevitable but he wanted to hear it from her. He asked, "wife, do you think that when I am gone you will marry another man?" "I imagine I will. Although I will miss you a lot my life will still continue..." she said. "And, do you think you will move him into this house where we live …

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the ne…

Clubhouse A group of men are changing in the locker room at a golf club. Suddenly a cell phone on the bench starts to ring, and a man puts it on speaker phone as he continues getting dressed. He says "Hello?", the woman on the other line says "Honey, it's me. Are you still at the golf club?" "Yeah, what's going on?" "I'm out shopping and found this great new leather coat, and it's only $500 dollars, can I get it?" "Sure, if you like it" "Thank you! I was also at the dealership earlier and s…

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married."

The jurors in a multi-billion dollar lawsuit against the tobacco industry were ordered by a judge not to watch a new movie called Smoking Kills in case it influenced their verdict. He also told them not to watch The House on Haunted Hill. The prosecutor was mystified. He said to the judge: "I can understand why you have instructed the jurors not to watch Smoking Kills, but why have you told them not to watch The House on Haunted Hill?" The judge leaned forward and said: "Because I got it on vide…

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.... MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It's $1,000. Can I buy it?" MAN: "OK, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: How much?" WOMAN: $60,000. MAN: "…

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued…