Blonde Jokes

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank together. The brunette plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the blonde in great detail. The robbery begins. The brunette drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the blonde, ""I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"" ""Perfectly,"" said the blonde. The blonde goes into the bank while the bru…

There were three construction workers... ...a Mexican, a British man, and a Blonde. Everyday they ate their lunch breaks together, and everyday they each had the same lunch as the day before. The Mexican always had two tacos, the British man always had a fish sandwich, and the blonde man always had a PB&J. One day, they all were having a bad day and the Mexican snapped saying ""If I get tacos again for lunch, I'm going to kill myself!"" The British man said, ""If I get another fish sandwich …

A blonde is driving along an open stretch of highway... After awhile she drives by an empty cornfield and she notices something off into the distance...it's another blonde in the middle of the cornfield sitting in a rowboat rowing like no tomorrow but going nowhere. The driving blonde stops her car along the side of the road, gets out and stands at the edge of the cornfield and screams out to the rowing blonde ""HEY!!! IT'S STUPID ASS BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE US A BAD NAME, AND IF I COULD SWIM…

Blonde Special The other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her. She said, ""I have some really great news!"" I said, ""Great. Tell me why you're so happy."" She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her,…

A blonde is driving a car She sees another blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a field. Disgusted, she gets out of the car and says, ""It's blondes like you that give us blondes a bad name! If I could swim, I'd kick your ass!""

Two cannibals, father and son, catch a blonde The son ""Dad, will we take her home and eat her?"" Dad ""No, we will take her home and eat your mom.""

What did the blonde say when she looked down at her bowl of Cheerios? Look, donut seeds!

I took a look at my wife one day and said ... ... ""Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a small sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but at least I got to sleep with a hot 25-year-old blonde every night. Now, we have a nice house, nice cars, big king size bed and plasma screen TV, but now I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."" My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out …

3 women escape from prison... One is blonde, one is brunette and the other has red hair. As they run away frantically, they spot 3 burlap bags in a dark alley. They each get into a bag and hold the opening closed. A suspecting cop walks down the alley and notices the three bags moving. The cop kicks the first bag and the redhead says ""meow!"" and the cop says, ""oh, just a bag of cats"". He proceeds to kick the second bag and the brunette says, ""woof, woof!"". The cop says, ""Oh, it's just som…

2 Blonds go hiking. Knee deep in jungle, one blond says she has to take a shit, but forgot to walk with toilet paper. The other blond says, do you have a dollar? "" yes "" says the first blond. well use the dollar then, says the second blond. a few minutes later, the first blond comes out from a shurg of bush with shit all over her hands was well as her clothes. What happened, says the second blond? i thought you had a dollar to use? of course, says the other blond, but how was i suppose to use …

Blonde Did you hear about the blonde who got in a taxi? The driver kept the 'VACANT' sign up. (Found this in WuMo)

What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? They both swallow a lot of seamen. Ahh stupid jokes. They never get old.

What do you call a smart blonde? A mircale

Blonde joke A blonde woman was tired of people always cracking jokes about her blondness and so decided to dye her hair bright red. She decided to go for a drive. She happened to come along a sheep farm. She stops and says to the farmer""if i can guess how many sheep you have can i have one?"" And the farmer says""sure have at er!"" So the woman looks and makes her estimate at 42 sheep. The farmer says ""hey hey! Good job go ahead and pick your sheep"". So the woman takes a sheep and puts it in …

So a blonde lady goes to the barber. Barber says ""I can't cut your hair if you don't take off your headphones"". Blonde lady says ""I can't take off my headphones or else I will die"". Barber proceeds to cut her hair as best as he can without removing her headphones. After a few minutes, the barber is just about done with the haircut and he wants to move the headphones just a little bit to get the last little bit of hair cut right. So he slyly moves the headphones off of her ears and everything…

A blond, a brunette, and a red-head are all caught by ISIS and are being prepared to be executed by a firing squad. The red-hed was up first. Right before she was going to be executed she yelled, ""TORNADO!"" All of the ISIS members took cover and she escaped. The brunette was the next in line. He followed in the red-head's footprints and this time screamed ""SANDSTORM!"" The gullible ISIS members again ducked for cover while he escaped. The blonde thought to herself, ""This is going to be easy.…

Jokes of the day!! 1. A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says, ""If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment."" The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the ma…

Breast Stroke A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the Huron River Breast Stroke Championships. The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blonde finally arrived. The crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her. They embraced the young girl as she came ashore. After all of the excitement died down, she leaned over to the j…

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency Room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting Off your finger?' 'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, & Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the d…

Jokes for the day!! 1. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!'' 2. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One …

BLONDE ACCOMPLICE PEOPLE ARE REFERRING TO THE BLONDE ACCOMPLICE OF THE FORMER ESCAPED CONVICTS AS THE SHAW-SKANK. THE BIG BREAK IN THE CASE IS WHEN THEY MATCHED D N A FROM THE HUNTING CABIN TO THE D N A IN HER UNDERWEAR

20 blondes are standing outside a bar. On the other side of the street another blond is walking by; ""Hey, come over here. You have to be 21 to enter""

Funny Jokes 1. Teacher: ""Kids,what does the chicken give you?"" Student: ""Meat!"" Teacher: ""Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"" Student: ""Bacon!"" Teacher: ""Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"" Student: ""Homework!"" 2. A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, ""I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!""

Why did the blonde become a big basketball fan? Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought that she had stopped aging.

Householding problems A blonde, a black man and a chinese kid are in a roadside diner. The blonde kept looking at the chinese kid, ""What are you doing here all alone?"" I'm here with my dad, the kid responded. Is that your dad?! pointing at the black man. You are right mam. *triggered*