Blonde Jokes

A blonde woman is speeding... A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down the window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

A blonde and a brunette both receive flowers one day... The blonde is ecstatic, squeeing and showing off her flowers to everyone in her office, talking about how fantastic her boyfriend is. The brunette is more subdued, leaving the flowers on her desk but otherwise not really happy about it. ""What's the matter,"" asks the blonde, ""your flowers are beautiful and your boyfriend loves you!"" ""Sure, I'm just not looking forward to holding my legs up in the air for the next week"" replies the brun…

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell cause she's got a nade in her mouth!

A blond comes home to see her house on fire... A neighbor rushes over to comfort her but the blond isn't in distress. Being confused, the neighbor says ""Your house is burning to the ground, why aren't you more worried?"". The blond responds ""It's ok, I have plenty of wood in the attic, I can just rebuild"".

So this blonde is at an airport... So this blonde is at an airport and she needs a flight to New York from California. She goes up to the desk and asks if there are any tickets left. The flight attendant tells her that she is very sorry but they are all sold out. The blonde begs for any way of her to get there. The flight attendant says they have a helicopter and asks if the blonde can fly it. The blonde says yes and goes to the helicopter. She hops in and starts it up, and it goes higher and hi…

A blonde is speeding down the highway... ...and is pulled over by a blonde police officer. Cop: You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see some ID please? Driver: <Frantically looking through purse> I must have left it home. Cop: Well, do you have anything with your picture on it? Driver: <Hands over compact mirror> I have this! Cop <Looking at mirror>: Oh, I didn't know you were a cop. You're free to go.

One time I took a blonde girl to the movies... We bought our tickets and waited in line for snacks. I got popcorn; she got M&M's. We got a drink to split. We sat down during the previews. I started eating my popcorn and she opened her M&M's and dumped them all out in her lap. She carefully separated them all by color, took all the brown ones, and threw them in the trash. ""What was that about?"" I asked as she returned to her seat. She smiled and replied ""Oh, I'm allergic to chocolate s…

Dealing with a Barking Dog A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, ""I've had enough of this."" She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, ""The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"" The blonde says, ""I put the dog in our backyard... let's see how THEY like all the barking!""

A blind man walks into a bar... A blind man walks into a bar and sits down. He says to the bartender, ""Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"" The bartender leans in and says, ""Sir, because you're blind, I'm going to offer you some advice. The blonde lady in the corner, she is a trained MMA fighter. The two blonde girls in the booth are professional tag team wrestlers. The blonde at the end of the bar is an off duty police officer, and me, I'm blonde and I always keep a large baseball bat behi…

A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger. Doctor: how did this happen? Blonde: I tried to suicide. Doctor: you shot your finger for suicide? Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.

What do you do when a blonde girl throws a grenade at you You pull the pin and throw it back

A blonde woman one read that over 70% of car accidents happened within 15 minutes of home... She decided it'd be safer to live somewhere else.

Blonde finds that her house has been burglarized... A blonde woman returns from work to see that her house has been ransacked and burglarized. She telephones the police straight away and reports the crime. The police dispatcher broadcasts the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, is the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approaches the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde runs out on the porch, but then after seeing the cop and his dog, stops and sits down on the steps. Sh…

The Bank Robbery A ginger, a brunette, and a blonde rob a bank. They make their getaway on foot, but the police are quick to arrive and make chase. The bank robbers make a wrong turn down an alley and find themselves at a dead end. They furiously look around for a place to hide and see only 3 potato sacks. They shrug their shoulders and swiftly step into the sacks. Soon after, a police officer arrives at the dead end and wonders how the bank robbers could have escaped. The officer decides they m…

Why did the blond get fired from the boomerang factory? She threw away all the bent ones. Why did she get re-hired? They all came back.

Dirty Blonde Joke Heaven! There are 100 steps to heaven, the first girl goes up, and gets to the 30th step, the next women goes to the and gets to the 67 step, then the dirty blond goes and gets to the 99th step and loses there, the other girls say why didn't you go to the 100th step, she said ""because I just understanded the first joke""

Guy walks into a Broadway costume house, tells the guy he wants one red, one blond, and 1 brunette merkin Clerk says - shall I wrap them up, sir? He says - no, I'll eat them here ...

BLONDE'S CONNECTION DOWN A blonde complains to a brunette friend that her Internet is down. The brunette friend offers to let the blonde check her e-mail at her house. ""That's OK,"" says the blonde. ""Why don't you check it and forward me what I got?""

Getting a girls number I was chatting to this attractive blonde in a bar and we started hitting things off. I then asked her for her number. She agreed, and gave me 04555-55555. Just to make sure I asked her again, are you sure this is your number? To which she replied 'Yeah' And I instantly knew she'd given me the wrong number, nobody lives on a street with 455 million houses. So I didn't even bother asking her what street she lived on.

A game of Chess John spots 2 of his blonde girl-firends playing Chess, and asks if he can join them. They replied that they are just beginners and he would easily beat them. Determined to play, John suggests that they can team up against him. Still doubtful about the equality of competition, they agree that John would be playing with left hand. In the end John wins and walks away, amazed by his skills in chess, both of them wonder what went wrong... Suddenly one them cries, That bastard, he must…

What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

A new musical artist... Another blond this time. Miranda Lambert

Follow the leader A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice: ""If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it."" Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, ""Lady, why are you following me?"" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said, ""Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot no…

Meow Cute blonde chick gets pulled over by The State Troopers. Before the trooper has a chance to vocalize, the blonde pipes up and says ""I know, I know, you want be to buy tickets to The State Trooper Ball. This is the third time I've been pulled over, today!"" The trooper states affirmatively ""Lady, State Troopers don't have balls!"" She drove away with out a ticket.

The intuitive doctor A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. ""Impossible,"" says the doctor. ""Show me."" She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, ""You're not really a brunette are you?"" She says, ""No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde."" ""I thought so,"" he says.…