Blonde Jokes

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake One blonde yells to the other ""How do I get to the other side?!"" The other blonde responds ""You are on the other side!""

Why does a blonde lay on the floor while shopping? To look for the lowest prices.

A priest, a rabbi, a horse, and a blonde walk into a bar... ...The bartender says, ""What is this, some kind of joke?""

A blonde walks into a library... No, that's it. That's the joke.

A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately... To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, ""I've kidnapped you."" She then wrote a big note saying, ""I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides, on the south side of the playground. …

A blonde and her dad are walking down the street... the dad tells her daughter ""Look a dead bird!"" The blonde looks up and says ""Where?"" __________________________________________________________________________________________ (don't know if this is a repost or not, but just remembered this joke I heard a long time ago and decided to share it)

A blonde, brunette, and a red head go to summer camp and they can only bring one thing.. The red head brings a deck of cards, to keep herself entertained. The brunette brings her homework, to get it done and live stress free. The blonde brings a car door, so she can roll down her window if she gets hot.

What does a Blond do every Sunday? Swallow Jesus.

Two programmers walk into a bar: a blond, a brunette and a red head.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.

Blondes & Snow. ""A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. ""If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."" Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she…

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? One stops sucking when you slap it and the other is a blonde.

The clear coast A married couple is in bed asleep when the phone rings at 2AM. The blonde wife answers and listens for a second and then shouts into the phone, ""How should I know that's 150 miles from here!!!"" At that the husband rolls over and asks ""who was that?"" The wife replied, ""I don't know, some dumb woman wanting to know if the coast is clear!""

Be careful what you ask for! A Scotsman was strolling across High Street one day wearing his kilt. As he neared the far curb, he noticed two young blondes in a red convertible eyeing him and giggling. One of them called out, ""Hey, Scotty! What's worn under the kilt?"" He strolled over to the side of the car and asked, ""Ach, lass, are you SURE you want to know?"" Somewhat nervously, the blonde replied yes, she did really want to know. The Scotsman leaned closer and confided, ""Why, lass, nothin…

A blonde in labor walked into a pizza shop because the the delivery was free.

A Blonde walks up to a barman and orders a double entendre So he gives her one!

A blonde woman's first day at live software support.. She was giving help to customers through live chats. She eventually got sick and busted right into the boss's office. Woman: This is infuriating! Every time I try to help someone resolve their problems, they just hang up on me! Boss: Whoa, whoa.... Relax. Okay, tell me what exactly happened? Did you say something to them? Woman: Well, all I did was ask them to try restarting their computer!

A blonde lady needs cash.. A blonde lady is in need of some extra cash, so she decides to do work for her neighbourhood. She approached a wealthy mans door and asked if he needed any house work done. The man replied, ""Yes in fact I do, I need my porch painted,"" handing her a bucket of paint and a brush. He closed the door and chuckled to his wife. She asked him if the girl knew the porch went around the house. ""Of course not,"" he replied. Five minutes later the blonde came back and handed hi…

Blonde joke Blonde: ""What does IDK stand for?"" Brunette: ""I don't know."" Blonde: ""OMG, like, nobody does!""

BLONDE'S APPENDICITIS A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, ""You have acute appendicitis."" The blonde says, ""That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help.""

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead all walk into an elevator... The three had just got back to work from there weekly lunch together. As they get in the elevator they notice something on the wall.. ""Is that cum?"" asks the blonde The redhead goes over to it, touches it, and says ""yup, definitely cum"" Next the brunette goes up to it, smells it, looks really close, and says ""your right, it totally is cum"" Lastly the blonde goes up to it, tastes it, and says ""huh, weird, no one from our buil…

Actress commits suicide Person A: Did you hear about that actress that killed herself the other day? Person B: No, who? Person A: That girl...Reese...something? From Legally blonde? Person B: Witherspoon? Person A: No no, she did it with a knife.

In addition to asking presidential candidates for birth certificates, they definitely need to start asking this. In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old. A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made …

Dumb Blonde Joke A man wanted to prove that blondes were not dumb, so he went to a mall. He asked one blonde to come up on stage. ""What's 2+2"" he asked. She answered with 7. ""Incorrect."" he said. ""Give her another chance!"" the other blondes chanted. ""Alright, what's 2+2?"" She answered with 22 this time. ""Again, incorrect!"" the man said. ""Give her another chance!"" the blondes demanded. He asked her the same question. ""...4?"" she answered. ""Give her another chance!"" yelled the blon…

An old man marries his young girlfriend... ...and naturally everyone is skeptical about the legitimacy of this relationship. He's wrinkled and arthritic, and she's a hot young blond barely into her 20's. His brother asks, ""How can you keep up with her in the bedroom?"" He puffs out his skinny old-man chest and says ""My skin may be wrinkled, but my heart's still young."" Soon enough, his wife announces she's pregnant. The old man, having never had children of his own before, is thrilled. His si…