Blonde Jokes

Blonde Betrayal A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ""I`ve kidnapped you."" She then wrote a note saying, ""I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."" The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent…

(Since it's almost the superbowl) A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game... At the end of the game the man asks his girlfriend if she liked it. She replies, ""It was alright, but it was kinda stupid."" The man asks, ""How is it stupid? These guys put their all into the game."" She answers, ""Well in the beginning they flip a quarter and after that it was just a rumble for getting the quarterback.""

A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother, ""Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"" ""Yes, dear,"" replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it. ""But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?""

A blond has just purchased a set of tires... ...and asks, ""do I ever need to change the air?"" the technician chuckles and says, ""no.. these new tires should never need new air. But you should rotate them every 10,000 miles."" The blond thinks for a moment and says, ""Don't they spin while I'm driving?""

The Anti-Blonde Joke A blonde living NYC goes to a bank to get a $10,000 loan. The bank, of course, asks for collateral, so she offers up her $60,000 BMW. The bank eagerly accepts and the blonde leaves with her cash. She then hops in a cab to the airport, travels Europe for 3 weeks and returns (not having spent any of her $10,000. She goes to the bank, pays back the money plus ~$20 in interest and retrieves her car. She successfully parked her car in a secured lot for 3 weeks in NYC for $20.

A blond goes to Target A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos.... It k…

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To he…

A blonde goes to a target And misses.

A Blonde Locks Her Keys In The Car... Coming out of a store, a blonde woman realizes that she's locked her keys in her car. How will she ever get them out? She starts pulling on the handle, banging on the window, nothing. Then, to add to her awful luck, it starts raining. ""Aw damn,"" she thinks to herself. ""Now I really need to get into my car so I can put the top up!""

Two sisters, a blond and a redhead, walk into a bar... They haven't seen each other in a while so they order some drinks and begin to catch up. At first they talk about their childhoods, their family, and mutual friends, but eventually they start to talk about the men they've been seeing. The blonde says, ""I've been sleeping with a Fireman. He's amazing in bed."" The redhead looks impressed, and wants to brag as well. ""Oh, well, last night I slept with a Brazilian."" The blonde sister grins. "…

Blonde flying to Houston, TX A blonde hops on a flight to Houston, TX. She sees first class sits down and thinks, ""I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am."" So the flight is about to take off and the flight attendant comes by and asks for the ladies ticket. ""Mam, your ticket is for coach. You need to go back to your seat because this is first class seating."" The blonde replies. ""I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am."" Puzzled the flight attendant goe…

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are trapped in a dungeon. The only way for them to escape is to walk up some stairs. There are a hundred stairs. Each one has a joke on it. If they don't read the joke, they die. If they laugh at the joke, they die. They confer amongst themselves, and decide that the redhead should go first. She makes it about halfway, then dies. Next, is the brunette. She makes it a little farther. Then, the blonde, being the only one still alive, goes. She makes it up 99 ste…

Three women walked into a bar. Three women, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde walked into a bar and the bartender says ""Hey, there is a magic mirror in the back the will grant wishes, but only if you tell the truth. If you lie, you will disappear forever."" ""Let's go to the back then."" says the brunette. They arrive in the back and the brunette starts to say her wish. ""I think I would like to have a loving husband."" A loving husband appears and the two leave the bar. The redhead says ""I …

A father says to his blonde, teenage daughter one day ""honey I thought I asked you to wash the car like 10 times today""... She replies ""I swear I was going to, but I called a hundred different places and nobody has this Elbow Grease that you told me to use !!""

A blonde walks into a hair salon. A blonde woman walks into a hair salon wearing a big pair of headphones. She sits down and the stylist asks her if she would take the headphones off so he can cut her hair. The blonde says ""no, sorry, the headphones have to stay"". He replies ""Are you sure? I can't really give you a good hair cut with those on your head"" to which the blonde answers ""nope, the headphones have to stay on"". The stylist shrugs and begins the haircut. After a while, the blonde f…

Five Blondes and a blind man..! A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. ""Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?""The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ""Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde …

Head and Shoulders There are two women in an elevator. One blonde, one brunette. A man walks in. This man has a severe case of dandruff. The brunette says to the blonde ""This guy has a ton of dandruff, we should give him some head and shoulders"".The blonde replies back saying "" How do we give shoulders"".

Why do blondes have big belly buttons? Their boyfriends are also blonde. [A joke I heard in grade 6.]

An old black meets St. Peter at the gates of heaven St. Peter is there, and tells him ""Welcome, in order to get into the kingdom of heaven you must have done something worthwhile with your life, what have you done my son?"" ""well"", he said in a raspy voice, ""I made love to a white woman"" ""...okaay"" St. Peter responded, ""that's...not, exactly what we're looking for"" ""No no no you don't understand"", the man replied. ""This girl was 18 years old, with a beautiful face, long, blond hair a…

The circle A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's la…

A blonde, a red head and a brunette are at the OB-GYN... ..the read head says to the brunette, ""I'm having a boy because he was on top."", The brunette says, ""I'm having a girl, because I was on top."" They both turn to the blonde and ask her, ""What are you having?"" The blond suddenly bursts into tears. ""Oh, honey."" they say, ""What's the matter?"" The blonde looks at them and says, ""I'm having puppies!""

So a blonde rips a particularly fragrant fart Some buddy says ""k there, that smells like **diarrhea**!"" Blonde replies ""Oh, well that's funny because I don't remember eating diarrhea.""

Another blonde joke A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are hiding from a farmer in a barn. The brunette hides in a horse stable. The red head hides behind a cow. And the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes. As the farmer walks up to the stable the brunette says ""neiiigh"". He goes to the cows and the red head goes ""mooo"". The blonde hears this and as the farmer approaches her corner of the barn she says ""potato potato potato""

A blonde was speeding down the highway... A blonde was speeding down the highway and didn't notice the police officer with his lights on behind her. Getting fed up with simply following the blonde down the road the officer pulls up next to her, rolls down his window, and motions for her to do the same. As soon as the blonde's window is down, the officer points to the side of the road and yells ""PULL OVER!!!"" The blonde looks down and then confusedly back at the officer. ""No.."" she yells, ""C…

There are two men sitting on a plane next to each and they both have black eyes... They begin talking and of course the black eyes come up. First man says "" It's a funny story... I was going to buy my ticket and when i stepped up to the window, I saw the most beautiful blonde with the biggest rack I had ever seen. I got flustered and mixed my words up. I meant to say, I need one ticket to Pittsburgh. But what I actually said is, I need one picket to Tittsburgh. Then she punched me right in the …