Blonde Jokes

NATURAL BLONDE Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair? A: Artifical intelligence.

Why was the blonde wearing condoms on her ears? Because she didn't want to get hearing-AIDS.

The Blonde And The Brunette... A Blonde and a brunette were sitting down watching tv... The blonde sits in her chair casually taking a sip of her drink. The brunette is sitting in her chair watching the 7 o'clock news, the brunette see's a distraught fellow threatening to commit suicide, the poor fellow jumps from an apartment window. The brunette watches in horror ""Did you see that"" the brunette says to the blonde, the blonde says ""what?"", brunette replies... ""That poor fellow that just ju…

Thermos A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, ""It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."" The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, ""What do you have in it?"" She replies, ""Soup and ice cream.""

Getting off the Island There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, ""I'm going to try to swim to shore."" So she swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.   The second one, the redhead, said to herself, ""I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and st…

A blonde walked into a store.. She got a nose bleed.

A blonde a brunette and a redhead Are all on top of a burning building. The firemen can't come up to save them so they stretch out a blanket below and tell them to jump. The red head looks over the egde and says ""I don't know, I'm scared"" The firemen reply ""don't worry we love red heads we won't let you drop."" So she jumps and right before she hits the blanket they pull it out and she goes splat on the sidewalk Horrified at what they just saw, the blonde and brunette don't know what to do. T…

Stranded on an Island (Blonde Joke) So there is a red head, a brunette, and a blonde stranded on an island. To get to safety, they have to swim 50 miles. They finally decide they have to try. So they set off and start swimming. The brunette makes it 20 miles before she gets too tired and dies. The red head makes it 35 miles before she also gets tired and dies. But the blond, after 49 miles, gets tired, and decides to swim back to the island before she gets tied and drown like the other two.

Did you hear about the Blonde who bought a brand new pair of panty hose, she put em on then shaved her legs and recked 'em

Tearful Bride A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, ""Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."" ""Now, now,"" her mother comforted, ""I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."" ""No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"" ""Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!"" says her mom. ""Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."" ""No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airpl…

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking.

A blonde walks into a bar The man behind her just walks around it.

Another blonde joke to top off the list. An airplane is flying through the air across the Atlantic when the pilot realizes that there are five women holding on to the wings; four blondes and a brunette. The pilot proceeds to yell at the women and says that the plane can only land if there are two women holding on to each wing. Understanding that a someone would have to let go, the brunette releases her grip on the left wing in order to save the blondes and everyone on the airplane. Amazed by the…

A blonde said to her friend while driving ""I got a compliment on my driving today,"" said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said ""parking fine"".

Do you know what a blond and a tornado have in common? They both blow for a living.

A blond walks into a doctors office One day a blonde walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor asks her what had happened. She says, ""well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone. ""Well that explains one ear, but what about the other."" ""The bastard called again""

A Blonde Paints Her House This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks in…

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were all stuck on an island with cannibals. The cannibals said, ""if you do what we say, we wont kill you"". so the 3 girls followed the orders the cannibals. So the cannibals said, ""go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see"". So the redhead came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, ""put the apples up your ass without making a facial expression"". The redhead made a facial expression after the second apple, so the…

What's brown, black and blue and lays at the bottom of a ditch? A brunette that's told one too many blonde jokes.

A blonde enters an electronics shop And is looking for a nice new television. She spots a really nice looking one in the shop and asks one of the employees how much it costs. The employee answers: ""i'm sorry ma'm we can't sell it to you."" The blonde angrily leaves the store but returns the next day disguised as an old lady. She asks the employee again how much the television costs. Again he replies: ""i'm sorry ma'm we can't sell it to you."" The blonde takes of het disguize and yells at the e…

Why can't a blonde count to 70? Cause 69 is mouth full.

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia. As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, ""Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"" The waitress leaned over the counter and says, ""Tiiimmmmm Hoo…

A church tale An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. 'This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.' No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will …

I.T. auditor and a Blonde At this point in time in the company, the periodical security audit came around. Everyone's passwords were purged and new ones needed to be implemented. As a bonus to help employees with the grumbling there was an award for the strongest password that was used without problem since the last audit. The Auditor looked at the list and was surprised to find one of their more infamous employees (among those in the I.T. department) had succeeded in having and successfully usi…

Blonde joke... Blonde: What does IDK mean? Brunette: I don't know. Blonde: NOBODY DOES!!!