Oclock News Jokes

I want to go on the record by saying I love my family but if I have to spend any longer with them you'll be seeing me on the 6 o'clock news.

I am one "Mom!" away from making the 6 o'clock news.

A blonde and a red head met in a bar after work... ...for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, ""I'll take that bet!"" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, ""I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."" The blond…

A Quebecker and a Newfie are sitting in a bar watching the 10 o'clock news... ... and they see a story about a man standing atop a building contemplating suicide. The Quebecker turns to the Newfie and says: ""I bet you $100 that guys going to jump."" ""You're on"", says the Newfie. They watch for several more minutes, and then watch as the man swan dives to his death. The Newfie grabs his wallet, and starts counting out bills. The Quebecker says: ""Keep your money. To be honest, I saw this story…

The Blonde And The Brunette... A Blonde and a brunette were sitting down watching tv... The blonde sits in her chair casually taking a sip of her drink. The brunette is sitting in her chair watching the 7 o'clock news, the brunette see's a distraught fellow threatening to commit suicide, the poor fellow jumps from an apartment window. The brunette watches in horror ""Did you see that"" the brunette says to the blonde, the blonde says ""what?"", brunette replies... ""That poor fellow that just ju…

A Blonde and a Red head go out for dinner While waiting for their dinner they decide to watch the 6 o'clock news, on the news a man was threatening to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. So the red head says to the blonde ""I bet you 50$ the man doesn't jump."" so the blonde says ""okay ill take that bet."" after a couple minutes the guy jumps, as the blonde is handing over the cash the red head says"" I cant take this money I watched the 5 o'clock news so I knew he would jump."" and the blonde said "…

Sure Thing Bar Bet Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. ""I'll bet you $10 he'll jump,"" said thefirst guy. ""Bet you $10 he won't,"" said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. ""I can't take your money,"" said the first guy. ""I cheated you. The same story was on the f…

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough he jumped so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said ""I can't take this you're my friend."" But the blonde insisted saying ""No. A bet's a bet."" Then the redhead said ""Listen I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news so I can't t…

eer booze and fun!' 'Two guys were in a bar and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump obviously suicidal. ""I'll bet you $10 he'll jump"" said the first guy. ""Bet you $10 he won't"" said the second guy. Then the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. ""I can't take your money"" said the first guy. ""I cheated you. The same story was on the fiv…

A blonde and brunette are watching the 10 o'clock news... The lead story is a man threatening to jump off a building. Before the end of the bit, the news breaks to commercial. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $10 he jumps." "Okay, I'll take that bet," replies the blonde. The news comes back from break and the story ends with the man tragically jumping to his death. The blonde pulls out a $10 bill and holds it out to the brunette. "I can't take your money," says the b…

A blonde and a redhead watch the news... A blonde woman and a redhead woman went to lunch. They had to wait for their table so they sat in the bar and had a drink. The TV was on and they noticed the news was showing a man on a rooftop threatening to jump. The redhead told the blonde "I bet you 50 bucks he jumps." The blonde replied "You're on." Sure enough the man jumped, so the blonde starts to dig out her money. The redhead felt kind of bad so she said "That's okay, I cheated. I…

Will He Jump? Two guys are sitting at a bar watching the 11 o'clock news. Footage is being shown of a man standing high on a ledge threatening to jump. The 1st guy says to the second guy, "I bet you $100 he jumps." "You're on" says the 2nd guy. Not long after, the man jumps. The 2nd guy hands the 1st guy $100. The 1st guy says, "I can't take your money because I saw this footage on the 6 o'clock news." The 2nd guy says, "take the money, I saw the 6 o'clock news too. I just didn't think the dumb…

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

A blonde and a businessman are watching the 11 o'clock news when reports of a jumper on the roof comes on. The businessman turns to the blonde and says

A blonde and a brunette are watching 10 o'clock news... A man is standing on the roof of his apartment building

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,”said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. “I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.” “No, no…

When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line. 8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. 10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news. 11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job. 12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get ''long-service to the company'' awards. AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE... 13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling. 14. As you…