Blonde Jokes

A blonde drives into a mechanic... to have her car serviced. The mechanic immediately sees that the woman has four flat tires. So the mechanic goes up to the woman and asks her how the air in her tires all got so low. ""They've been like that,"" the woman says. ""For how long? you should have come in a while ago."" the man says. ""No, no. they're ok,"" the woman replies ""They are only flat on the bottom.""

Why did the blonde throw tic-tacs in her spaghetti? The recipe told her to mints her garlic.

The State Mental Hospital Hotline Hello and thank you for calling the State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu: 1. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. 2. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. 3. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. 3. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call. 4. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to t…

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experiences. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horses's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly imper…

The blond girl and the car What did the blond girl say when she saw the car? Answer: That's the lost one right there.

Did you hear about the blonde actress that stabbed her husband with a fork? Reese something... Reese Witherspoon? No with her fork!

A joke for blondes English is not my language but I hope I'll get it right. So, it's the 1st intelligence championship for blondes. The stadium is packed with enthusiastic blondes and the runner up who has eliminated all other blonde contestants is ready for the question that will win her the title. The question is: what is the sum of 5 + 8. The countdown starts and we can see she is really struggling and at the end answers 12. The host goes all ""Oh, no, that was so close"" but the whole stadiu…

Two blonde girls are heading to Disneyland... While driving they see a sign ""Disney Left"". They cry and head home. (Little bro told me this one. Not sure if it has been told before.)

Blonde Nailing A blonde is hammering a nail into a wall to put up a picture. After much banging and cursing, her sister comes to check on her and sees the blonde trying to hammer the nail the wrong way, head-first into the wall. ""You idiot, you've got it all backwards! That nail is made for the opposite wall.""

What do you call a smart blonde? A Labrador retriever

A blonde, brunette and redhead are at a doctor's office for their first sonograms. The brunette says ""I just know I'm going to be having a boy, I was on top."" The redhead muses ""Oh, then I guess I'm having a girl since I was on the bottom!"" It was at that moment the blonde began to cry hysterically. The other two came closer, put their arms around her and tried to comfort her when she cried out ""Then *I'M* having puppies!""

How many redditors does it take to understand this joke? 0. Send reddit Gold to find out. 1. Way more than the average. 2. Enough to get it to the frontpage. 3. The joke is on you. 4. What joke? 5. It aint funny. 6. You just had to read this. 7. Seven 8. Eight 9. Nine 10. Ten (Obviously). 11. It's way to meta. 12. Zero 13. It depends on if they are blonde 14. Lets not go there 15. All of the above 16. Over 9000 42. 42 18. I get it or I pretend I did. 19. I need more cowbells. 20. None of the abo…

I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to one another on a long flight. Bored, and thinking he could have some fun with her, the lawyer leans over and offers to play a game. ""We take turns asking each other questions. If you cannot answer my question correctly, you must give me $10. If I cannot answer a question of yours correctly, I will give you $100. Deal?"" The blonde agrees to play, and they exchange a few simple questions, both getting correct answers. Then the lawyer decides to ask some …

Why do brunettes make up so many blonde jokes? So that they have something to do on Saturday night. Sorry if its an old joke but my uber driver told me this and I thought it was funny. Also probably a good pick up line on for a blonde ;)

What do you call a blond that dyed her hair brown? Artificial Intelligence

Blonde Jokes... duh So 4 blonde friends after graduating college decide to start a business together. After much debate they decide to move to New York City an open a mechanic shop. Being opened for more than a month the do not get any customers. Why? Because they open the shop at the 10th floor of the Newly constructed One world tower. Since the initial plan failed, they decide to buy a taxi as its a good business and has good money. They turn on the ""For Hire"" sign but still do not get any c…

Hooters sucks! Feed you messy ass hot wings presented by one the hottest skimpiest dressed big boobed blonde. Its like they're daring to go to the bathroom and jack off.

A blonde decided to go to grad school

A science teacher tells his class. A science teacher tells his class, ""Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773."" A blonde student responds, ""Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.""

When the blonde found out her toaster wasn't water proof, she was shocked. A man walked into a therapist office wearing nothing but shrink wrap. The therapist said, ""I can clearly see you're nuts""

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island... Three blonde women are stuck on a desert island when they find a magical lamp with a genie inside. I have three wishes to offer, says the genie, so that makes it one wish for each of you. I want to be smart enough to get off this island, says the first blonde. She becomes a redhead, builds a small raft and sails off the island. I want to be even smarter than her, says the second blonde. She becomes a brunette, builds a comfortable sailing boat, and s…

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out. After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others ""I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."" The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly ""Together, together, together.""

A blonde calls up her friend Blonde - can you help me, I can't log into my computer Friend - yeah sure what's the problem? Blonde- well my computer seems to be messed up, i couldn't remember my password but my computer keeps telling my it is incorrect, and I tried that and it won't work

What does a blonde have if her brain is the size of a pea. Encephalitis, and possibly a medical miracle.