Blonde Jokes

There are three blondes, two brunettes and one redhead on a sinking submarine. There are three escape pods. The redhead, thinking fast, runs to the nearest escape pod and gets out of the submarine. The two brunettes, though they hate each other, decide to put aside their differences and share an escape pod. The three blondes are left. One blonde gets into an escape pod, but punctures the glass viewing portion with her heel, drowning her. The other blonde thinks she can swim to the surface, so sh…

Two blondes are building a house. The first blonde is nailing nails into 2x4's. She'd pull a nail out of her bag, but would only nail it in if it was facing the right direction. Otherwise, she'd throw it behind her back. The second blonde comes over to see her wasting nails. ""What do you think you're doing?!"" she asked. ""These nails aren't facing the right way."" the first replied. ""You idiot! Those are for the OTHER sides of the house!""

There are three blonde women trapped on an island ...A magic genie lamp appears and gives them all a wish, the first women wishes to become and redhead, she builds a raft and paddles off the island. The second wants to be a little smarter than the first and wishes to become a brunette, she sees a yacht and sails off the island. The last blonde is determined to be smarter than the rest and wishes to become a man...he then walks over the bridge

What happened after the ugly man married the beautiful blonde? They had a wedding reception.

Why is it so hard to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.

An Italian guy is out picking up chicks in Roma. While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they're back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while... He climaxes loudly. Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, ""So.... you finish?"" After a slight pause she replies, ""No."" Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even long…

Mosquitto and Blondes what's the difference between a Mosquitto and a blonde? A Mosquitto stops sucking when you slap it !

Dumb blondes Why does a dumb blonde have a deep bellybutton? They probably have dumb boyfriends too !

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, ""Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...""

A blonde mother is cleaning the dishes when suddenly... Her similarly blonde daughter rushes in. She's rather excited and is holding a box. ""Mom! Mom! I finally finished that super hard puzzle I've been working on for a year!"" Her mother is happy, but puzzled. ""Let me see that!"" she says as she takes it from her daughters grasp. Her puzzled expression turns into surprise and joy. ""You really did do it! Even in the time limit!"" ""Time limit?"" asks the daughter. ""Yeah! Look here. Underneat…

How do jellyfish live without brains They are blond

Two priests die and go up to Heaven... .. but when they get there they find there's a HUGE lineup at the Pearly Gates. Hours and hours go by and they are barely inching closer to their destination. Finally they see St. Peter lean over and stare down the line at someone behind them. He makes a ""come here"" gesture and this pretty blonde gal comes mincing out from behind the priests, scoots right to the front and gets right in. The priests are baffled but continue to wait. FINALLY they get to the…

Another golf joke Three men are paired with a gorgeous blonde on the golf course. On a par three she hits a beautiful tee shot onto the green, leaving her with a twenty foot putt. ""Oh my God! I've never had a birdie before!"" she says, ""I would do anything to make this putt."" The first guy says ""Well then... Hit it hard about a foot left of the hole and you're good."" The second guy says ""Nah, hit it soft, about four inches right."" The girl is still standing there unsure when the third guy…

What was Hitler's favourite beer? Pure blonde

We went to the movie the other night..... .... I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. ""Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."" By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, ""Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"" ""No!!"" she said in a loud whisper,…

Why can't a blonde count to 70? Because 69 is always a mouthful.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? There have been sightings of UFOs

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank.... ...They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, ""Now, do you remember what the plan is?"" The blonde sighed and replied, ""Yeah, yeah, I remember..."" The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, ""Be sure to…

An evil wizard captured a deaf person, a blind person and a blonde and took them to his castle. He told them: if you tell a lie in this castle you will disappear forever. So he asked the blind man what the colour of his robe was. He said ""I think it's green"". Since it was red, *POOF* he disappeared. He asked the deaf man what type of music was playing. The man said ""I think it's classical"". It was heavy metal so *POOF* he dissapeared. Then he asked the blonde what 8+6 was. The blonde said ""…

Never mess with blonds Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. ""You know,"" he says, ""I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."" The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, ""What would you like to discuss?"" ""Oh, I don't know,"" says the guy, smiling. ""How about nuclear power?"" ""OK,"" says the blonde. ""Th…

I like my coffee like I like my women... hot, blonde, and with extra room for cream. :-)

A blonde goes on a plane to London and decide to sit in first class seat The flight attendant approaches her and asks her to move back to her seat as these seats are very expensive. She refused to move and said "" I'm blonde,I'm beautiful and i'll seat wherever i want"". Next comes the co-pilot and she responds the same... After a while the pilot approaches her whisper in her ear and immediately she got up and went back to her seat. The flight attendant and the co-pilot were so surprised and ask…

Three blondes come across some tracks... The first blonde examines them and exclaims that they must be deer tracks. The second blonde says that they must be rabbit tracks. The third blonde say the other two are wrong and they are obviously some sort of bird tracks. However, there was no time for them to come to an agreement as they were promptly hit by a train.

I told my blond friend, that they have higher risk of cancer. The next day she colored her hair black. courtesy: Choke by Chuck palahniuk

Who doesn't like a blonde joke? A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's pr…