Chase Jokes

Fun game: Order food to be delivered to your mobile home and then lead the delivery driver on a high-speed chase through town.

I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes. It was probably over a stolen tweet.

I can't take movies seriously if the main characters aren't stopping to Instagram their meals and Tweet out the chase scenes.

Just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 min., thought "damn so easily entertained" then realized I watched a dog chase his tail for 10 min.

Dipping your cats in blue paint and watching them chase each other is 1000x more entertaining than Avatar.

A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower.

[highspeed chase] ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren* [several nearby ships are lured to their doom]

Starting a Psychofit class. Basically, I sneak up on people showering and chase em with a knife til they achieve their desired body weight.

Even scarier than seeing a shark fin in the water is seeing a lion mane, because you know the chase isn't over once you reach land.

My way or the highway. It takes two to tango. What I'm saying is, "welcome to idiom club". Now, let's cut to the chase.

I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.

Three girls are trying to escape the police. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead when they finally think they're in the clear. Relieved, they stop at the shops. The brunette goes to the pet store and buys a cat, and the redhead buys a dog, while the blonde goes to the supermarket next door and buys a sack of potatoes. They return to their car, and the police have resumed chase. They pull over and the brunette says, ''I know! If we make the noise of the animal we bought they might not catch us!'' …

A young nurse is hired at a Glasgow hospital. Towards the end of the shift, he is assigned to a ward with a number people with no obvious signs of injury or disease. He goes to greet the first patient. ""Hello, sir, how are you today? Is there anything I can do for you?"" The patient replies, ""Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm."" The nurse is confused but smiles, checks the man's bedpans and greets the next patient. ""Hello …

A Trooper tries to pull over this guy... When he just speeds up and a chase ensues, when the trooper finally manages to pull him over, he asks him ""didn't you see me trying to pull you over? Why did you take off?"" To which the guy responds ""sir, a while back my wife ran off with a trooper & I was afraid you're bringing her back""....

One day in the jungle... A gorilla is lazing about in the jungle when he sees a lion prowling along, generally making a big deal of himself and enjoying his ""King Of The Jungle"" reputation. Hoping to take him down a peg, the gorilla picks up a coconut and throws it at the lion, hitting him in the back of the head. The lion is furious and lunges after the gorilla, who instantly takes flight. The chase is on, through undergrowth and over tree roots. The lion is gaining on the gorilla when the go…

An interview for a position at EA games. Man: ""Let's cut to the chase, I guarantee you that I can get you to hire me before we even start the interview."" Interviewer: ""That's a bold statement, how can you be so sure about that?"" Man: ""Pay $9.99 to continue the interviewing process!"" Interviewer: ""You're hired...""

Dr. House gets a new patient.... A man is rushed into the ER with a fever above 104 F. As Dr. House boldly follows the stretcher and slaps on his gloves, he asks the man's spouse if there was anything else unusual going on. She claims that he had a large red rash, he had been complaining of fatigue and joint pain for several weeks, and there had more recently been blood in his urine. After the man's condition is stabilized, House assembles his army of toadies to figure out just what the heck was…

Leap Day should be an international holiday where all business is expressly forbidden. Everyone gets a ""free day"" to spend extra time with loved ones, chase dreams, or try something new. No explanation needed, this proposal is a big joke in itself worse than Donald Trump

The weight loss program A man wants to lose his beer belly, so he signs up for a free weight loss program he read about online. On the first day, he hears a knock at his door. He answers it, and sees an extremely attractive woman standing there. ""If you catch me, you get to keep me,"" says the woman. So the man chases after the woman and is unable to catch her, but he ends up shedding a few pounds anyway. The next day, he hears another knock at his door. He goes to answer it, and sees an even m…

Ask Doggy and Friends! Doggy: Hello! Welcome to ""our"" Reddit! I'm Doggy, and I'm one of the hosts of this subreddit. I'm a dog... ...well, I'm a human with a canine name. I can talk to animals because I lived in the pound for a few years. And you can ask me stuff about me and the others, like Chase, Firefighter, Adam, and more. Oh, and of course, me.

Cowboy shoes Roy the cowboy had just bought some new boots. He left them on his porch while in his cabin. On exiting the cabin he sees his new boots torn to shreds and a cat running away towards the local bar. He gave chase but lost the cat so went into the bar with his shredded boots and offered a reward to whoever brought him the vandalising cat. A while later several people had appeared all with different cats each asking if it was the perpetrator. No was the reply everytime. Then, as he was …

This one's a bit long.... Let me describe a creature to you. It's known as a Trid. A Trid is kinda like a Smurf, but it's all punked out and psychedelic looking. You know, multi-colored hair, tats and piercings, and dresses like it's constantly at a rave. The only thing in the world a Trid gives a damn about is having fun. That's it. If it's not fun, a Trid simply isn't interested. Well, one day a Trid happens to be walking through the forest, trying to figure out something fun to do. He was bor…

Fishing A local sheriff received an anonymous tip that there was a young man fishing at the pond without a license. He decides to check it out, and, arriving at the pond, he spots two teenagers fishing at the shore. As he is approaching the pair, one of them looks up, sees the sheriff, and takes off at a sprint. He gives chase, trailing him for about a quarter-mile, at which point the young man is out of breath. The sheriff grabs him and says, panting, ""Let me see your fishing license."" The te…

How the media views Ferguson Eagle Scout, student body president, and regular blood donor Mike Brown was on his way back from his volunteer shift at the soup kitchen when suddenly Neo-Nazi #$%$ Grand Wizard and climate-skeptic Darren Wilson saw the glow of his halo. He stepped out of his gas guzzling Hummer and made chase. Mike Brown, weighed down by his backpack full of Nobel Peace Prizes and handwritten letters to grandma, was soon overtaken by the Aryan Nation Member. The only escape was acro…

An old Navajo is being chased by settlers... He runs into the nearest structure he can find, which happens to be an outhouse. Unshaken, he jumps in and hides. The settlers give up on their chase and the old Navajo is seemingly stuck. A few days later, a young Navajo walking into the outhouse and sees the old Navajo still hiding. ""Good heavens!"" the young Navajo says, ""How long have you been down there?"" ""Many moons,"" the old Navajo says, ""Many moons""