Chase Jokes

The Bank Robbery A ginger, a brunette, and a blonde rob a bank. They make their getaway on foot, but the police are quick to arrive and make chase. The bank robbers make a wrong turn down an alley and find themselves at a dead end. They furiously look around for a place to hide and see only 3 potato sacks. They shrug their shoulders and swiftly step into the sacks. Soon after, a police officer arrives at the dead end and wonders how the bank robbers could have escaped. The officer decides they m…

The Pope goes out for a drive... The pope is riding along in the back of a limo and is bored out of his mind. He calls up to the chauffeur and says ""Hey Bill, I'm bored. Mind if I drive for a bit?"" Bill, the chauffeur, agrees and the two switch places. The pope immediately slams on the gas and starts tearing down the highway way above the speed limit and soon they pass a pair of cops sitting at a speed trap and they put their lights on and give chase. The pope pulls over as he's a godly man ev…

Sometimes when I'm riding in an uber, I like to request another uber. Instant car chase.

To catch a Tiger So there was a competition organized to see which Police force was the best in the world. After many gruelling tests, only four remained. They were NYPD, Scotland Yard, Royal Canadian Mounted Police and *Dilli* (Delhi) Police. The final test is to find the winner of the contest. The test is simple. A lion is to be released into the forest. Whoever catches it the quickest is the winner. First NYPD starts. The lion is released. NYPD officers follow it into the jungle. After a coup…

3 guys V the Taliban These 3 guys were working in Afghanistan and got captured by the Taliban . In attempt of fairness, they were told to pick an animal in which they could make their escape. However, the Taliban would chase them, and if they were caught, they would die. The first guy choose a horse. He jumped onto the horses back, and rode as fast as he could. Unfortunately it wasn't fast enough, and the Taliban caught him, and killed him. The second guy thought that a camel would be more suite…

WHAT WE LEARN FROM THE MOVIES -- It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting. -- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. -- If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. -- Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. -- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait pa…

So there's this Norwegian monk who grows carrots. He is world renowned for his carrots. They are known to be the juiciest, most delicious carrots on the face of the earth. He spends a large amount of his time in his garden, caring for his carrots. Well one day, while he is in said garden caring for his carrots, a theif jumps over the fence and steals 2 carrots. He looks up and makes eye contact with the monk, almost as if to say ""hey... i've got your carrots"". He then quickly turns and starts …

""Ay yo Lion! You coward! Come on out and fight me!"", yells the rabbit, standing outside the lions cave. There is no response, so he yells his taunts again. Inside the cave, the lioness hears this and looks at the lion. ""What is going on? Why are you not responding to the rabbits taunts?"", she asks him. ""Let it go!"" says the lion quietly. The rabbit taunts a third time and the lioness is angry. ""If you are not going to do anything about this then I will take care of this"", she says. ""Ple…

An elderly man who just retired Went out and purchased a Porshe. He decided that he would go take his brand new car for a ride and see what it could do. As he was speeding around the country side he sped past a police car on the side of the road. The officer noticing him going well above the speed limit gave chase. The elderly man looking in his rear vision mirror noticed. Swearing he put his foot down easily outpacing the police car. Only one minute later the elderly man said to himself ""what …

Male nurse Towards the end of the shift, he is assigned to a ward with a number people with no obvious signs of injury or disease. He goes to greet the first patient. ""Hello, sir, how are you today? Is there anything I can do for you?"" The patient replies, ""Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm."" The nurse is confused but smiles, checks the man's bedpans and greets the next patient. ""Hello ma'am, how are you doing today?"" T…

Signs you drink too much coffee - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You lick your coffeepot clean. - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. - You chew on other people's fingernails. - Your T-shirt says, ""Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blen…

Hey, I'm a girl. I ignore nice guys, chase douche bags, and then complain about it

How long did it take for the police to catch the man running in his underwear? It was a brief chase...

You know you are addicted to coffee if ... You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. You'r…

Back in the early 80's Chevy Chase was one of the stars on Password. Toward the end of the game this black woman was ahead in points so she and Chevy were paired togetherfor the final part. He said the key word and she responded. Like this... he said calf, she said cow. Then it was kid, and she said goat. Finally he said doe, she said knob. Chevy busted into laughter.... He laughed so hard they didnt even get the chance to finish the game. Doe...Knob

Police Officer: Why did you lead me on a five-state chase? Driver: I love to travel.

Policeman: Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase? Motorist: Because you'd catch me on a slow one.

Another hunting joke, doesn't involve tracks. Did some searching and did not see this one posted. A group of hunters goes out for their annual deer hunt. There's like 10 friends and they all get together the same weekend every year to fill their deer tags. They arrive Friday night at the campground and tie one on - tis tradition after all. Jeffy drinks way too much and cannot even walk the next morning. He's so hung over the boys have to help him out of his sleeping bag. So the group says, "alr…

What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds? Chevy Chase.

The garbage men are collecting the bins when one of them notices the bin of the old Japanese guy in number 23 is missing.... So he rings the dorbell. "Harro!" the Japanese man says as he opens the door "What is matter?" The garbage man, short on time, cuts to the chase "Where's your bin?" "Uhm... I bin on toiret" "Nah man, I mean where's your dust bin?" "I said, I dust bin on toiret!" "Dude you're understanding me wrong. Where's your wheely bin?" "Fiiiine" says the Japanese guy, "I whee…

So a hunter made a deal with his wife that if he catches a bear, she would field clean and prepare it. If he doesn't, she gets a day at the spa. He walked out of their hunting lodge to his favorite spot and waited for a bear to pass by. He sees a few creatures, but not the trophy he's looking for. An hour goes by...two hours... three hours, and then finally, there it is. The biggest bear he'd ever seen. Well, he slowly, quietly picks up his gun, aims, pulls the trigger, and "click" the gun …

What do you do? You're riding your horse along a narrow road and to your right there's a steep cliff. There's another rider to your left threatening to run you off the edge. You try to speed up but there's another rider in front of you, and when you look behind you a third rider is closing in as well. You're stuck in a harrowing high speed chase and must figure out how to escape quickly before your pursuers run you off the steep cliff to your death. So, **what do you do?** You get your drunk a…

Americans go hiking in the USSR A group of american tourists came to the USSR and decided to go hiking in a traditional Soviet way. They got the tents, vodka, made a camp in the forest. Suddenly a huge bear appears from the bushes, starts to roar and ruins the camp in a few seconds. The americans run as fast as they can followed by the bear. They run across a clearing where a group of soviet guys are having their drinks and barbeque. As they cross the clearing the americans accidently overtu…

The chase is on A man is driving really fast, and a police car is chasing him. Amazingly, the chase goes on for over twenty miles. The man finally stops his car and faces the wrath of the police officer. The police officer yells at him and says "I've been chasing you for twenty miles, you'd better have a damn good reason for not stopping. The man says, I am sorry officer, I've had a really bad week. I got fired on Monday, my dog died on Tuesday, the bank foreclosed on Wednesday and just last …

The Lion and the Monkey A lion and lioness are sitting in their den, when a monkey climbs up a nearby tree and starts insulting the mighty lion. The lioness starts to get angry and says, "King of the jungle, how dare you allow this puny monkey to insult you? You must punish him." "You are right, but you know what? I am king of the jungle and I must not lower myself to his level. Let's ignore it." The lioness, astonished, sat in silence. Yet the monkey kept on. After sometime, the lioness loo…