Chase Jokes

[OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop... when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost …

Haggling over the price A man spied a beautiful woman soloing in the bar. Knowing that he wasn't debonaire enough to entice her, he cut to the chase, "Say, would you go to bed with me for $15,000? Surprised and embarrassed, she stammered, "Gee...well, maybe, I guess?" "What about $150?" "What exactly do you think I am!," she protested. "We've already established what you are. Now we are just haggling over the price!" ​

70 year old man goes out and buys himself a new sports car As he's cruising down the highway at 75 mph, he sees a cop with their lights on start to give chase. Not wanting to get a speeding ticket with his new car the old man decides to floor it and shake the cop. So he guns it 85,95, 120 MPH flying down the highway swerving in and out of traffic. This goes on for a good hour with the cop keeping pace. Finally the old man has a change of heart and pulls over to the shoulder. The officer ge…

After watching the Tour de France for several years running, a guy decides that he's going to get into cycling. So he buys himself a brand new road bike, and sets out for his first long ride. He's pretty fit, and takes a long route over several hills. But on his way back, he finds that he's just too tired to continue, and just can't make it back up over those hills. He decides to try to catch a ride back, but traffic is light, and nobody stops. Finally a guy in a Porsche pulls over and agre…

[LONG] The priest and the half lemon. A priest was sent out to a rural village because the old priest has passed away. He meets the local people, they all get to know each other. His first mass goes well, but after the ceremony a slim man in poor clothing approaches the priest and says: \- Excuse me father, be kind, and please give me a half lemon. The priest was kind, and he gave him a half lemon. But when he asked the man why he needs it, the slim man looked shocked and ran away in sheer pa…

The chase is on A man is driving really fast

Prince Charles was being shown around a Scottish hospital. At the end of his visit, he was led into a ward where there were a number of patients displaying no obvious signs of injury. He went over to talk to the man in the first bed, and the patient proclaimed: "Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face Great chieftain e' the puddin' race! Aboon them a' ye tak your place, painch tripe or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm." Somewhat taken aback, Prince Charles smiled politely and moved…

In the heart of the jungle, two monkeys were sitting in a tree beneath which a lion was sleeping peacefully. One monkey said to the other: "I dare you to go down there and kick that lion in the butt!" Feeling mischievous, the other monkey said: "Okay, I'll do it." So he ran down the tree, kicked the lion as hard as he could in the butt, and then made his escape by racing off through the jungle. Roused from his slumbers, the angry lion immediately gave chase and was soon gaining fast on the monke…

A car was speeding down a motorway so a traffic cop took chase and when he caught up with the vehicle was amazed to see a woman knitting as she was speeding along. He realized that she was completely oblivious to the sirens, flashing lights etc. so got out his loud haler and bellowed, “PULL OVER.” The woman yelled back at him, “No it’s a scarf actually!”