Chevy Jokes

Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz "you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best

A cowboy walks into a bar, a few miles West of Brokeback Mountain, and, after two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. 'What the hell,' he says to himself, 'I really want a drink.' When the bartender approaches, he says to the cowboy, 'What's the name of your 'willy'?' The cowboy says, 'Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink.' The bartender says, 'I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your 'willy'. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do …

What do you call a retired Marine in a Chevy sports car? A Corps vet in a Corvette.

Last night, my Chevy was bitten by a vampire. Now it's Vlad the Impala.

An old woman needed her porch painted... So she called up a guy and asked, ""Could you come by? I need to have my porch painted red."" ""Yes ma'am, I'll be there in a jiffy. "" He shows up and let's the old lady know it shouldn't take him too long. She's surprised by this because her porch is large and wraps around the house, but she just accepts he's a fast worker. 30 minutes later she hears a knock at the front door. "" Hey ma'am, I'm finished!"" She looks around and notices the porch hasn't b…

You might have heard about the Chevy Camaro IROC, but do you know what IROC stands for? Italian retard out cruising.

My girlfriend said she's break up with me if I didn't stop being a casanova. Apparently she doesn't like that I live in my Chevy.

Why do Arabs only buy Chevy Trucks? Because they're like Iraq.

Three men died and went to heaven... ... and met St. Peter at the pearly gates, who was explaining a new reward system to the newcomers. Each person who made it to heaven would receive a vehicle, the quality of which would be determined by how faithful they were to their spouses on Earth. The first man had his fair share of adulterous adventures, and he received a 1992 Toyota Corolla. The second man was pretty faithful, but even he was not loyal throughout his entire life, and he received a bran…

New Feature exclusive to 2015/16 Chevy Trucks Magnetic Bumber; recover the parts as they fall off.

The Police Academy Exchange Student Juan, a rookie cop from Mexico, goes to a police academy in Maine for a month in an exchange program. One day, he rides along with a highway patrol officer named Burt. ""Are you finding policing very different in the States?"" Burt asks. ""Not really,"" says Juan. ""A lot of Mexican laws are based on American ones. Our laws are better organized, though."" The officer chuckles and swiftly pulls over his first catch of the day--a young man in a Chevy, going ten …

Did you hear that they discontinued production on the upcoming Chevy Diode? They found it had trouble going in reverse

Three old men die and go to heaven... ...and St. Peter explains to them that the lives they lived on earth will determine what kind of car they drive for eternity. He looks to the first man and says ""You were a top-notch citizen your entire life. You paid your taxes, showed up for work every day, never cheated on your wife and went to church every Sunday. Well done, sir. Here's the keys to your Rolls Royce."" He looks to the second and says ""You were a decent bloke, more or less. Had a bit of …

A recently retired man decides to buy his dream car A brand new 2015 Chevy Corvette. As he's leaving the dealership with his new purchase, he decides to open it up on the road and see what his car can do. He's flying down the road at about 130 mph when he sees the red and blue sirens behind him trying to keep up. He pushes the pedal to the floor, knowing he'll be able to easily out run them. After a few moments, he begins to realize he's too old for this and had better just pull over to avoid an…

How do you make a Chevy Malibu float? Pour a glass of soda and add two scoops of Chevy Malibu

When your sitting in a Chevy and you feel something heavy Anybody know any silly diarrhea rhymes?

chevy badge on a holdern upvote if you think they're gay

Three friends die and go to heaven... and meet God at the gate. God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions. God turns to the first man and asks how many times he cheated on his wife, to which the man responds ""twice."" God flips through the big book, and sure enough, the man was telling the truth. ""Since you…

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in a used car lot. The car lot is closed so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, ""Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"" ""Certainly not,"" says one of the ladies, ""We purchased the car this afternoon."" ""Well,"" says the cop, ""Why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"" ""We don't …

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, ""I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,"" five guys and two…

Back in the early 80's Chevy Chase was one of the stars on Password. Toward the end of the game this black woman was ahead in points so she and Chevy were paired togetherfor the final part. He said the key word and she responded. Like this... he said calf, she said cow. Then it was kid, and she said goat. Finally he said doe, she said knob. Chevy busted into laughter.... He laughed so hard they didnt even get the chance to finish the game. Doe...Knob

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application asking ""What are you going to do with the money?"" ""Take jewelry to city and sell it"" said the old man. ""What have you got for collateral?"" queried the banker going strictly by the book. ""Don't know of collateral."" ""Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"" ""Yes I have a 1949 Chevy pickup."" The banker …

Indian On The Road I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says, "Heck no, they just ran me over".

What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds? Chevy Chase.

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture... when suddenly a plain white Chevy advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a rather stiff man in a suit and tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a Dole wannabe, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure". The guy parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thi…