Roy Jokes

*knocks on door* You're too fat. "Wha--" You're way too dumb. "Wait--who.." Hi, I'm Roy. I sell insecurity systems. You're too poor for one.

I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??

Jim: What shall we name our new playground invention? Roy: Idk. The playground business sure is a Jungle, Jim. Jim: ...Say that again.

Financial planning Roy was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. ""I may look like just an ordinary man,"" he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inheri…

The most contrived joke that I know A bloke called Roy was walking through the jungle when a tiger pounced on him and stole his brand new shoes. Distraught, Roy contacts the only person he can think of that can sort out this issue - famous big band conductor Glen Miller. Glen is hot on the case and finally bags a tiger that fits the description, but he's still unsure. So he approaches Roy, who is busy talking to a bunch of people. He tries to get Roy's attention but he can't so he is forced to p…

Roy Hodgson is on the Jonathan Ross show. Afterwards the host takes his guest down to the local pub. They leave the pub completely smashed and Roy and Jonathan decide to break into a distillery. Roy is the first to open a cask, tastes it, and asks Jonathan, ""Is this whiskey?"" Jonathan replies, ""Not as wisky as wobbing a bank!""

Trigger warning! What's the difference between Roy Rogers and Phil Hartman? Trigger had nothing to do with Roy Rogers' death. Why didnt Roy bother giving trigger his last meal? Because he knew he would be stuffed.

Why did Siegfried and Roy close their bakery? A batch of Tiger bread turned on them.

Cowboy shoes Roy the cowboy had just bought some new boots. He left them on his porch while in his cabin. On exiting the cabin he sees his new boots torn to shreds and a cat running away towards the local bar. He gave chase but lost the cat so went into the bar with his shredded boots and offered a reward to whoever brought him the vandalising cat. A while later several people had appeared all with different cats each asking if it was the perpetrator. No was the reply everytime. Then, as he was …

Charlie Sheen recently came out of the clinic That's what happens when you share tigers with Siegfried and Roy

At the dance... At the dance there is a young man named Roy who is sitting nervously, afraid to speak to any of the young ladies. Roy has a wooden eye and he feels that everyone is looking at it. Hours go by and Roy continues to sit by himself wishing he had more courage. Across the dance hall Roy notices a girl with a large wart on the end of her chin. At that exact moment she notices Roy and their eye(s) meet. Immediately Roy stands up and goes to the girl and asks if she would like to dance. …

...Track 29, boy can you give me a shine... Some guy named 'Roy' was in a changing room and had just taken off a pair of newly purchased loafers to try on a pair of pants in a store. Suddenly, a seeing-eye-dog burst into the changing room Roy was undressing in, gobbled down Roy's loafers and ran out. Since Roy was pantless and astonished, he couldn't go chasing after the dog. He didn't really feel like shopping anymore, so he put his jeans back on and walked out in his sock feet. He informed mal…

Roy Rogers and the mountain lion Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight while he commenced with the rest of his chores around the ranch. Later that afternoon when Roy returned home he found that a mountain lion had snuck down out of the hill…

Super... Smash... Brothers! To celebrate the return of the celebrated fighters Mewtwo, Lucas, and Roy, Peach decided to throw a large, extravagant party at her castle, but she requested everyone bring something for the party. First, Mario and Luigi pull up in their Mario Karts, pulling out their boxes of mushroom-covered pizza. Then, Link and Toon Link arrive, pulling into the train station and dragging a significant supply of fireworks. A duo of Arwings swoop down, and Fox and Falco jump out of…

Roy Rodgers gets a beautiful pair of new leather boots. One day Roy Rodgers, the famous cowboy, purchases a beautiful pair of handmade italian leather boots. He wears them around for everyone to see, and come nighttime leaves them on his porch. The next day, he wakes up and goes outside, eager to show off his boots some more. However, when he checks on them, they're badly chewed up and scratched, all in all ruined. Roy declares ""I'm gonna find the varmint that did this!"" and rides off on his h…

Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner ""Hey Roy you wanna take a chance on a raffle?"" ""Whada ya win?"" ""A million dollars!"" said the redneck. ""You get a dollar a year for a million years."" ""How much are they each?"" ""Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!""

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100. The neighbor says ""You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud."" So the farmer takes him home and says ""It's your first day so take it slow okay?"" The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond. The next mor…

My friend Roy made up this joke, so goddamn proud Why did the beer get bottled? He was trying to dodge the draft.

We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But what about his position on children?

The weather suggests that turnout will be in Roy Moore's favor today. It is expected to dip into the teens.

What is Roy Moore's favorite piano key? A minor