The Police Jokes

It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them... The Police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...

Three girls are trying to escape the police. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead when they finally think they're in the clear. Relieved, they stop at the shops. The brunette goes to the pet store and buys a cat, and the redhead buys a dog, while the blonde goes to the supermarket next door and buys a sack of potatoes. They return to their car, and the police have resumed chase. They pull over and the brunette says, ''I know! If we make the noise of the animal we bought they might not catch us!'' …

A woman in Wisconsin gets gypped by a dealer, so she calls the police saying that she was guaranteed only the ""highest quality shit."" The police offer pauses for just a moment and says, ""I am APPALLED that he would do such a thing! Take me to him right now!""

TIL that although Sting has been missing for a week... The Police still have no lead

They found a hole in the wall at the local prison The police are looking into it

At my local police station, the toilet was stolen The police have nothing to go on

A man was pulled over by a police officer for speeding The police officer asked, ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" ""I was trying to keep up with traffic,"" the man replied. The cop said, ""There is no traffic."" The man replied, ""That's how far behind I am.""

There was a little boy named Buttitches His very first day at school the teacher asks him what his name is. ""What's your name?"" ""Buttitches."" ""Haha, very funny, what is your name?"" ""Buttitches."" ""Listen child, tell me your real name or I'm sending you to the principal."" ""Buttitches."" ""Principal's office! Now!"" The boy arrives at the principal's office and asks for the boy's name. ""What's your name?"" ""Buttitches."" ""Oh we have a jokester do we? What's your real name son?"" ""But…

I was caught by police with illegal possession of drugs When then officer caught me I exclaimed that it wasn't my fault because whenever I would flush them down the toilet they would magically reappear into my pocket The police officer chuckled and said he didn't believe me So I asked if I could show him, which he allowed me to So I flush the drugs down the toilet but then the officer asks me to reach into my pocket and show him the drugs which where meant to reappear I replied with; ""what drug…

The police finally found the lost child The police take the kid into his car and ask... Police:Where is your house? Kid:Next to my neighbor house Police:Where is your neighbor house? Kid:Next to my house fo shore

Someone stole all the toilets from my local police station... The police have nothing to go on.

""The man who sang 'Purple Rain' is NOT dead."" The police chief concluded into the microphone. ""We have reason to believe he was kidnapped."" ""How can you be sure? Do you have any leads? "", questioned the reporter. ""No."" Said the chief. ""We couldn't find any prints.""

Panda in a restaurant A panda walks into a restaurant, asking for a table for one. The waitress takes him over to his table and he starts to make his order....... ""1 bamboo shoot with leaf salad, please"". She walks off and within minutes she is placing his fresh food on his table. As the Panda finishes his meal, he stands up, pulls a gun out and shoots the waitress in the head, then walks out casually. 10 minutes later the police are questioning the manager. All he can say is ""w..w...well... …

Knock knock Knock Knock... Who's there? The police The police who? Mam, your son is dead.

There was a blackout in my neighbourhood last night....... The police told us to stay inside until they caught him.

Three close friends were getting on in their years. They had done all sorts of crazy things over their decades together - alligator wrestling, running with the bulls, base jumping... you name it, they've been through it. At this point in their lives, each of their respective families has decided to put them into nursing homes. Seeing as how they won't have any more opportunity, they decide to have one last crazy evening, and play Russian roulette. The first friend brings the loaded gun, and anno…

I just got pulled over... The police officer walked up and asked me: ""Son, do you know how fast you were going?"" I looked over and said: ""Not really, officer. I was paying attention to the car in front of me."" He pulled out his speedometer and read aloud, ""I clocked you going 80 miles per hour."" ""That's impossible,"" I replied. ""I've only been driving for 10 minutes!""

What do The Police do to catch criminals easily? Sting operation, of course!

""FIFA President, Secretary General, and Communications Director are all traveling in a car, who's driving?"" ""The Police"" all credit goes to ex FIFA com director Walter De Gregorio, hilarious joke, sorry it cost you you're job!

What do Michelle Obama and the lead singer of The Police have in common? They're both similar to insects! (FLOTUS like a butterfly, Sting like a bee)

Potatoe Planting An old farmer wrote to his son who was in prison ""...I won't be able to plant potatoes and other things this year because I can't dig the field, I know if you were here you would have helped me."" The son wrote back, ""Dad, don't even think of digging the field do you want to expose me? That's where I buried the money I stole."" The police read the letter before delivering it to the father, and the next day the whole field was dug by police but nothing was found. The following …

Michael Brown, Freddie Gray... The police really don't like colored people.

A man is inerviewing to become a police officer, The captain who is interviewing him says, ""ok everything looks good I just need to ask you a few questions"" the police officer comes to the final question and asks, ""if you see a black man bleeding in your front lawn what do you do?"" The police officer responded, "" stop laughing and reload"".... needless to say he got the job

THE HURT BIRD AND THE S..T THE HURT BIRD AND THE S..T One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t. So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a s**t in his hat. He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it. He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man. He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat. The guy said, ""It's a hurt bird."" The police officer sai…

My Haikus! (I'm trying to make a haiku website but got no money foo) The police are here. Grab your belongings and run. They run really fast. ---------------------------------------------- They no scoped me. I cried for three hours consistantly. What am I to do! ----------------------------------------------- Kate Mook is so gay. She snorts when she laughs a lot. She is such a dweeb.