Spiderman ruined romance for me. Please don't even think of kissing me unless you're hanging upside down from a building.

[1st day as criminal sketch artist] Victim: He was blonde had blue eyes, he was about 6ft t.... Me: I'm gonna need a longer sheet of paper

can we have one night where you don't act like spiderman "ok" [hour later a bird/panther type thing steals wife's purse] "don't look at me"

Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.