Doctor: Describe your headache. Me: She's about 5'8", blonde, and the mother of my children.

Describing a female colleague to your GF, saying "you know, the hot blond" is conducive to sofa sleeping.

Hi I'm michael cera and this is jackass [blows on his yogurt to make sure it's not to hot]

"Call your blonde friend, your black friend & your Asian friend!" - every cellphone ad ever