Starbucks Jokes

I wouldn't mind being catcalled if it were useful: "Hey baby, boot sale at Macy's!" or, "Line's shorter at Starbucks on 5th, sweet cheeks!"

I had no idea Instagram was down until a girl in front of me at Starbucks cancelled her order, saying "Instagram is down it's useless"

tonight at the bar, ask a woman if you can buy her a drink. If she says yes, hand that lucky lady a Starbucks gift card and walk away

What's the etiquette on petting a baby that's been leashed to the bike rail outside Starbucks?

I overheard a dad at Starbucks tell a kid not to tell Mom he got a cake pop for breakfast, so I guess I'm part of their web of lies now too.

Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says "Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!" & starts crying

Bad news is I'm not fluent in Starbucks. Good news is I ordered a skinny Latin, and Marc Anthony is a real sweetheart.

Just snipped off a toddler's faux-hawk while his mom was in the bathroom at Starbucks, because I give a shit about the future.

I DO love to rush breathlessly into Starbucks and scream "Is anyone in here writing a screen play? We need one! This is an emergency!"

Just had to gently break it to all these girls in Starbucks that they are not Zooey Deschanel.

the year is 2048 twerking has become a sport the seas are now made of starbucks ugg boots are required by law

PRO TIP: If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.

College is just a clever marketing ploy by Starbucks and Red Bull

After all this Starbucks cup controversy, if Taco Bell was smart, they'd start serving their burritos in little cardboard mangers

I paid 4 the lady in front of me @ Starbucks. She hugged me. Deciding when it's the right time 2 tell her I hit her car in the parking lot.

Sit in Starbucks and scream into your phone, "What we need is fresh screenwriting talent! An unknown! Where on earth can we find it?"

"the names bond, james bond" [5 min later] STARBUCKS BARISTA: i gota frappe for borbjorbple

(Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?

Watching my mother-in-law order at Starbucks is like watching a drunk gorilla try to start a car with a french fry.

The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.

If you've ever written a Yelp review of a Starbucks, I can help you kill yourself if you like?

At Starbucks I order under the name Godot. Then leave.

I just want to make enough money to live in a neighborhood where Starbucks doesn't lock their bathrooms

Enjoying Starbucks' free WiFi with my MacBook and flannel shirt while listening to a band you've probably never heard of.

If you Say the word "murder" over and over again out loud, it starts to sound really weird and everyone in this starbucks will stare at you.