Starbucks Jokes

I saw an Asian man jerking off in a starbucks Called him a Fappenchino.

So my dyslexic friend and I walk into a Starbucks. We find a table, and he volunteers to go and get the drinks. Taking the chance for a cheap laugh, I point out the most overly complicated, quasi-coffee -appucino beverage I can see on the menu, hand him a fiver, and proceed to wait in anticipation. A few minutes later he returns, placing the correct drink before me, and smiles - knowing that he had foiled my ploy. But then he tried to give me my change...

Tall Grande at Venti. It's the midget psychic at large in the perspective of Starbucks. Can I get internet points now?

How to pick up women if you don't like eye contact. I'm a guy who's had trouble with women all my life. I'm okay in everyday situations when I don't have to make too much eye contact, but if I have dinner with a girl and I have to look into her eyes the whole time I get terrified. My friend tried to match me up with his beautiful cousin, and he planned it so that we wouldn't have to have dinner together. He told me a day and time that she would have coffee in her usual starbucks on East road, be…

Topical Jokes 4/10 (Special mention to JonasPolsky, you've inspired me to write one a day!) - Spain is raising its age of consent from 14 to 16. Meanwhile the bankers at the European Central Bank are saying that they might not be able to keep their interest rate low for the next 2 years. - The French National Assembly have decided to put three artificial beehives on its roof to promote urban greenery. Meanwhile, inspired, the bees are now demanding 'liberty, equality and fraternity' after the Qu…

A man approaching his fiftieth birthday decides to have a facelift. He spends $5,000 on the operation and is very happy with the results. On his way home from surgery, he stops at a kiosk and buys some cigarettes. Before leaving, he says to the vendor, ""I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"" ""About thirty-five,"" is the reply. ""I'm actually forty-nine,"" the man replies smugly, feeling really good about himself. After that he goes into a Starbucks for a coffee and a…

Signs you drink too much coffee - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You lick your coffeepot clean. - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. - You chew on other people's fingernails. - Your T-shirt says, ""Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blen…

So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks... and shouts, ""gimme a tea!""

Starbucks and Hooters should merge. Can you imagine ordering a Double D Latte? Everything you need in a cup or two.

That moment when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, then you realize she just lost an earring... and that no one else in Starbucks can hear your iPod.

Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you're in Starbucks.

The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's face at Starbucks.

I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me ""sweetie"" too.

A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.

I don't have Instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow

Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.

I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.

I like my coffee like I like my women Basically, I'm now banned from Starbucks.

I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning. The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down. I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready. So I told th…

I bought a new car recently. I got it for a great deal. Oscar Mayer Weiner was going under so they sold me one of their weenie vans. I was really excited so I drove it around town to show off. I pulled up to a Starbucks because I was thirsty and as I was parking I saw the most beautiful girl in the world. She watched me park and smiled as I walked over to her. I introduced my self and we just started talking. She looked amazing, I complimented her on her dress. This led to a nice conversation …

At a Starbucks job interview "What is your name?" -Alyssa "Could you spell that, please?" -L A R I S S A "When can you start?!"

Two dog owners are arguing about whose dog is smarter. Two dog owners are arguing about whose dog is smarter. “My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he runs to Starbucks, grabs a mocha latte grande and a muffin, tips the barista and brings it home for me.” “I know,” says the second owner. “How do you know?” “My dog told me.”

Starbucks' new CEO has been criticised for commuting the 1000 miles between his home and the coffee giant's headquarters on a private jet. A spokesperson for the company defended the ultra-commute... Saying that because Brian Nicholl was reusing the jet, each trip saw him save 20 cents.

A friend recently gave me a What Would Jesus Do bracelet, and it really made a difference in my outlook. It was going great, until I got in a bit of an argument with some guy in a Starbucks line. It getting a bit heated, and I looked at my bracelet.... so I said unto him, "Be fruitful, and multiply." But not in those words.