Starbucks Jokes

*Spends 30 min practicing Starbucks order in mirror* *Feels confident* *"Hi I'd like a grander ahoy Ralph Macchioatto lateenbay"* *dammit*

don't tell me starbucks isn't an emotion i feel that shit in my soul

I'm still confused as to why I was arrested for stabbing the starbucks barista in the face when she didn't know what a large coffee was.

Walked by Starbucks today. The line was out the door. I've never seen so many pink cell phone cases in one place.

[CSI at Starbucks] "Ma'am you've been robbed. Suspect is at large." Barista: At what? "At large" At what? "At venti?" OMG HOW AWFUL!!!

*whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby

I find the biggest difference in Canada vs the US is they don't put your lids on for you at Starbucks and exponentially less gun violence.

Accidentally bought a Venti at Starbucks and now I can't afford to go to college :(

I've whittled my Starbucks order down to 11 minutes so don't you dare tell me about sacrifice.

Someone just sat across from me at a table at Starbucks. They got too close to my food so I bit them.

You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that's older than you.

There's a new Starbucks opening down the street. I WONDER WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE.

In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I'm fine now.

I've started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and "accidentally" dropping my recipe for bacon tacos.

Tell the dude at Starbucks your name is Poison Coffee, and when he calls your name, fall out of your chair onto the floor.

If you wear a ship's captain's hat around, people will just do what you say. I run a Starbucks, a Target, a submarine, and two street gangs.

My resolution for 2016 is to call Starbucks "Starbrights" and Reese Witherspoon "Ruth Witherspooks" to keep my grandmother's legacy alive.

Damn, Starbucks. Not only do you spell my name completely wrong AND screw up my order, but on my way out some woman keeps calling me a thief

My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg.

If I was Jennifer Lawrence, I'd see which laws I could ignore. Start with going behind the counter at Starbucks, work my way up to murder.

Some dude just ran into Starbucks, grabbed coconut water yelling "white people milk" and left. Went outside, coconut water all over street

Got in a fight about the Treaty of Versailles. I said the German fines were too punitive; the guy at Starbucks said buy something or leave.

I hate having to go to the Starbucks 2 blocks away cuz of the horrible dates with all the baristas at the Starbucks 1 block away.

Right about now, family members all over the country are realizing the Starbucks cards I gave them for Christmas are empty.

When I go to Starbucks, I tell them my name is Marco. When my drink is ready and they call my name, I just keep saying Polo.