A kid next to me at Starbucks says I smell like his dad. I'm like 'Well, your Dad's an alcoholic. Scram!'

What's the etiquette on petting a baby that's been leashed to the bike rail outside Starbucks?

I would be so ashamed if I had a kid who didn't want to be famous.

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog