A kid next to me at Starbucks says I smell like his dad. I'm like 'Well, your Dad's an alcoholic. Scram!'

I made a barista at Starbucks cry when I put my name down as "Dad" and he just stood there calling it over and over

[graduation] ...and I owe it all to my mom, and my late dad *sheds tear* [crowd cries] *dad walks in holding starbucks* "traffic, my bad"

I overheard a dad at Starbucks tell a kid not to tell Mom he got a cake pop for breakfast, so I guess I'm part of their web of lies now too.