Watching my mother-in-law order at Starbucks is like watching a drunk gorilla try to start a car with a french fry.

One beer please! *This is Starbucks!* Oh, my fault, I'm Bill.

As soon as I walked in the door the guy behind the bar offered me shots. I said what the hell, ordered three, and quickly drank them down. Next thing I know my pants are off and the cops have showed up. Long story short, they don't let me in that Starbucks anymore.

A man confided to a bartender: "I got really drunk last night and ended up snogging my best friend. It was so embarrassing – I couldn't even face taking him for a walk this morning." Starbucks announced that they are laying off a thousand workers and closing more stores. Experts predict that by the end of the year, we could wind up with just two Starbucks on every corner. Jay Leno