Pirate Jokes

A Pirate Walks into a Bar A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, ""Are you aware that there is a steering wheel in your pants?"" ""ARRR IT'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS.""

Pirate captain and his clothing This Pirate Captain is sailing his boat when he sees a merchant ship he wishes to raid. He know a battle will ensue so he tells his first mate, ""First mate, fetch me my red shirt."" The first mate gives a funny look, fetches the shirt then asks, ""Sir, tell me, why a red shirt?"" The captain replies, ""For morale. When the battle ensues people will be hurt. So, if I am hurt and bleed, my blood will be concealed by the shirt so the crew's morale will not be lowere…

Why didn't the shrimp share his treasure? He was a little shellfish.

The Captain A long time ago there was this captain on his boat with his crew, sailing the high seas when they spotted a pirate ship. Before the battle began, the captain shouted, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" It was a long fight but the captain and his men were victorious. The next day three pirate ships appeared. The captain cried, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" and they proceeded to defeat the three pirate ships. Later on, as the crew was resting and tending to their wounds, an ensign asked the capta…

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear? To hide his booty.

Display of courage in House of Leaves. From ""Tom's Story"", *House of Leaves*: I call this ""A Little Bedtime Story For Tom."" A long time ago, there was this captain and he was out sailing the high seas when one of his crew spotted a pirate ship on the horizon. Right before the battle began, the captain cried out, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" It was a long fight but in the end the captain and his crew were victorious. The next day three pirate ships appeared. Once again the captain cried out, ""…

A pirate walks into a bar with his brand new eye patch and ask a women with a large amount of facial hair to dance with him. She responds ""would I ! would I!"" to which the man angrily replies "" MOUSTACHE! MOUSTACHE!""

A pirate walks into a bar With a ships wheel on his belt. The bartender asks, ""What's the wheel for?"" The pirate replies, ""Arrr it's drivin me nuts!""

A pirate walks into a bar... With a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender notices and says ""sir, are you aware you have a steering wheel down your pants?"" To which the pirate replies ""Arr, it's driving me nuts.""

A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender looks up and says ""Do you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your butt?"" The pirate responds, ""Yarrr, its driving me nuts.""

A pirate's walking down the beach.... ...when he comes across a little girl. The litter girl says, ""Hey Pirate! Where's your buccaneers??"" The pirate responds, ""tucked inside my buck'n hat!!""

What do you call a black man who flies a plane? [2 part] A pilot, you racist. What do you call a Japanese man who flies a plane? A pirate.

A pirate captain stands on the bow of his ship... and he sees an enemy ship on the horizon. He calls to his first mate ""Bring me my red shirt."" A tremendous battle ensues in which the pirate captain is victorious. His curious first mate asks him ""Captain, why did you wear your red shirt into battle?"" To which the captain responds ""Because that way if I were wounded the blood would not be noticeable and the men would fight on."" The first mate was impressed, until the next day when the capta…

A pirate at the local bar discusses his past. A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, ""So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"" The pirate replies, ""We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."" ""Wow!"" said the seaman. ""What about your hook""? ""Well"", replied the p…

a boy decided to tell a joke .... a little boy decided to tell a joke to his friends. he wonders how they will react. he goes to the first friend. ""hey jim!"" says the boy. ""what do you call a black pirate?"" ""i don't know."" says jim. ""a NIIG- AAAAAAR!!!!"" says the boy. he goes up to the second friend, and the same thing happens over and over. then he goes to the last friend, sara beth. ""sara beth!"" says the boy. ""what do you call a black pirate?"" sara beth looks at him and says "" a p…

Told by my brother, punchline gets me everytime Three men are adventuring through the Amazon jungle, searching for treasure. One day, as they were hacking through brush they are ambushed and captured by a fierce tribe. One of the warriors acts as the translator, and tells the three men what the leader of the tribe is planning for them. ""You have trespassed on our lands, and the punishment is one we have used for generations. Using our ancestors secrets, we are going to kill you, and turn you in…

What did the pirate with the steering wheel in his pants say? ""Argh it's driving me nuts!""

This was the first long joke I ever learned. Interview with a pirate. There was a pirate who had agreed to do an interview with a local tv station. The reporter was very courteous and professional, giving a bit of background as to the pirate's business. She then began interviewing him. ""So Mr. Longbeard, are there any risks to your business? I see you have a peg leg- how did that come about?"" ""Well, y'see I were sailing along the coast of South Africa, looking to plunder some locals when as I…

A Halloween joke for you. Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said ""trick or treat"". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, ""What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?"" Little Johnny says back, ""They're under my buckin hat lady.""

So on wheel of fortune ... On wheel of fortune, the spokesperson interviews each person standing by their game position. the spokesperson gets to the last contestant and asks: ""what is your name?"" this woman was a large, black, and chubby chick. she replies ""Treasure."" a man in the crowd whispers to his friend 'wanna know why they named her treasure?"" ""sure"" he replies ""because when she was born, they wanted so desperately to bury her.""

What's a pirate's favourite letter? You may think it's arr, but they are truly in love with the sea!

Captain of a Ship.. Captain of a Naval ship spots pirates on the horizon, He calls the men to arms and asks ""Quick men, Bring me my red shirt."" Just before they encounter the pirates he puts on the Red Shirt, they fight, the win the battle. That night while celebrating the victory some of the crew members ask the Captain ""Why do you always wear the red shirt into battle?"" ""Well, If the worst should happen and i get wounded, i do not want my men to see me weak, so i wear a red shirt so no on…

What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon? ARE YE READY KIDS?!

Avast, me buckos! It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so let's hear your most swashbuckling puns and AAAARRRRRRGUE about whose is best/worst.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from the front of his belt. The bar tender said, ""Hey buddy, you have a steering wheel tied to your pants"". To which the pirate replied, ""Arr, I know. It's drivin' me nuts!""