Pirate Jokes

Pirate, land lubber Yarrrr, Why be it that land-lubbers are never confident? For they are always on shore...

It was a fine day out on the sea... when a young sailer prepared to set sail on his first voyage. Before he boarded the vessel, he came across an old pirate sitting drunkenly on the docks. "Hey, old-timer," he began, "you look like you've seen your fair share of sea. Could you spare some advise for a young sailer?" "Garr," he conceded. "Well, I can't help but notice that you have a peg leg. Mind if I ask what happened?" "Garr, it were a fine day out on da sea when I fell o'er board and a s…

So I met a Pirate... - Mobile user, please excuse phrasing. So the other day I met a pirate. I mean this guy was the real deal, peg leg, hook for a hand, eye patch, the works. I just had to ask him about it. "Can I ask how you got the peg leg?". "Aye, twas a dark, stormy night. I was at sea, surveying for land, when a giant shark came up out of the briny and took me leg clean off!" "WOW! That's quite a tale!" I said, "and what about you hand?" "Aye," he continued, "I was on the lower deck, …

I saw a pirate on the street the other day "Oh my gosh, are you a pirate?" "Aye, I be a pirate." "Wow, cool! I see you have a peg leg. How did you come to need that?" "It was during a mutiny. Me crew threw me overboard and a shark bit me leg off." "Ouch. And your hook? How'd that happen?" "During the mutiny, boy. My crew threw me overboard and the very same shark bit me hand off, too." "Oh man. And your eye patch?" "Bird poop." "Bird poop?" "Aye. A bird pooped in me eye, and it was the…

A joke my granpda tells to me every time I see him A pirate walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a drink. The bartender gives him the drink and says "sir do you know there's a steering wheel in your pants" the pirate replies "yarr, its driving me nuts"

Two Pirates My mom just sent me this one, thought it was good Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet 
in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.” “And yer hand?” asks Marty. “When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.” “OK, but what’s with the eye patch?” “I was standin’ on …

A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg before I could climb back up." "That's amazing," the first mate replies, "and what happened to your hand?" "We was boarding a ship to take its plunder an' I dueled the ship's captain. I bested him but not before he took me hand clean off. So I got a hook to replace it." The first mate was …

How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer (I heard we're doing pirate jokes today)

A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender looks at the steering wheel and asks, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate responds, "Yar it's driving me nuts."

A Pirate's Life A pirate goes into a bar and sits down. The bartender says: "Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?" " Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off". "What about the eye-patch?". "I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye". "Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?" "Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".

What's a pirate's favorite letter? 7 Pirates are illiterate.

It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins... One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement. Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion. A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"

I have a gardening tool that I use to dig up large amounts of treasure So yeah, I got a big booty hoe

A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck between his legs. Bartender: What's with the steering wheel? Pirate: Arr, it's drivin' me nuts!

A Pirate walks into a bar with a paper towl on his head.... Bartender goes "Hey buddy whats with the paper towl on your head?" The Pirate replies "Arrr I got a bounty on me head."

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir, We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

What's a Pirate's least favorite letter? A copyright infringement notice. Edit: Alright you, cunts, I get it. This joke has been told earlier. It popped into my mind after reading the "What is a pirate's favorite letter?" joke in this sub earlier. Obviously more than one person is not allowed to come up with the same joke. Sorry I tried.

A pirate's wife asks him what body part he'd be most okay with losing The pirate thinks and replies, "my spine!" "Why?" says his wife, a little surprised "Because it's holding me back!"

A Pirate Joke that doesn't end with "ARRRR." A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?" "Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that …

Pirate: The cannons be ready, captain. Captain: Are.

Two pirates, Morty and sol are at a bar Sol has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.” “And yer hand?” asks Marty. “When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.” “OK, but what’s with the eye patch?” “I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.” …

A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. The bartender asks how he got the peg leg. "Well", says the pirate, "I fell into the sea and had to fight off a shark, but he ate me leg." "What about the hook hand?" Pirate: "Me vessel got boarded by some scallywags and I lost me hand in the fight." "Well, how about the eyepatch?" "Ol' Polly here pooped in me eye!" The bartender was confused and asked how that could …

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuffed in his pants. The bartender looks at him and asks, "Why is there a steering wheel sticking out your pants?" The pirate replies, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

My dad was an illiterate pirate Tragically, he was lost at C.

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C! [ I'm^so^sorry ]