Pirate Jokes

Pirate Joke While out at sea, a first mate runs to the captain and saying ""Captain! There are ten enemy ships on the horizon!"" The Captain responds ""Aye! Bring me my red shirt."" The Captain puts the shirt on and battle ensues. After a few hours, they emerge from the fight victorious. The first mate asks ""Why did you need your red shirt?"" The captain replies ""Because if i was wounded in battle, the crew wouldn't notice and would continue without me."" A few weeks later, the first mate runs…

Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.

What's a pirate's favorite letter? The C.

Why can't a Pirate make it through their ABC's? They always get lost at C.

What's a pirates favorite letter? You think it's the ""R"" but it's really the ""C"". Happy talk like a pirate day!

How much did the pirate charge for corn? He sold them for a buccaneer.

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer.

If I get interviewed by a police sketch artists, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I'm making him draw a pirate.

Captain Kidd prepared with his crew to search for buried treasure. Before setting out he consulted with his dentist, who advised him that all the best treasure out there was in the gold fillings of the teeth of various bodies, such as he might find in a cemetery or at the site of some battlefield. He kept this advice secret from his crew, and so when they landed on a desert island, they scattered, each using his own preferred means of treasure hunting, while Captain Kidd looked for cemeteries. H…

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch. The seaman asks ""So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"" The pirate replies ""We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off."" ""Wow!"" said the seaman. ""What about your hook""? ""Well..."", replied the pirate, ""While my men and I were p…

What does a pirate drink for breakfast? Arrrrange juice.

Pirate Insurance After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker's compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related. ""How did you get the wooden leg?"" asked the agent. In a booming voice the pirate replied, ""Me and me mates were on the high seas when…

A soldier meets a pirate in a bar and after a few minutes the talk turns to their adventures. The soldier notices that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. ""How did you end up with a peg leg?"" the soldier asks. The pirate replies, ""I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."" ""Wow!"" says the soldier. ""What about your hook?"" ""Well,"" answers the pirate, ""we were boarding a ship when one of the enemies chopped off m…

""Have you heard about the new pirate movie?"" ""It's rated aaarrrrrrrr.""

Punch Lines Did you hear abou that new pirate movie? It's rated arrrrrrrrr... How much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? A buck an ear! Aaaarrr! The radiation belts surrounding the earth were discovered almost simultaneously by Van Allen and another scientist named Fan. Van Allen published first, or else the earth would have a Fan Belt. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But put him in a car and the first thing he does is stick his head out the wind…

Where does a pirate go on vacation? Arrrrrland.

Q: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A: A buck an ear.

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, ""Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like to buy you a drink."" The pirate came over and ordered rum. ""Just out of curiosity,"" the man said, ""how did you lose your leg?"" ""Arrrgh!"" said the pirate, ""I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was throw…

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels about to attack. T…

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born her mother said ""What a treasure!"" and her father said ""Yes let's go bury it.""

Who was the most famous pirate octopus? Captain Squid!

Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank

Where do frogs keep their treasure ? In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow !

Q: How can you identify an Irish pirate? A: He's the one with patches over both eyes.