Pirate Jokes

What do you call a half native pirate? Metis

What's a pirate's favorite move in chess? Check, matey.

A pirate captain walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants... The bartender finally can't take the curiosity, and asks, ""Excuse me, Cap'n, but I couldn't help but notice the steering wheel sticking out of your pants. What the hell is that thing doing there?"" ""Arrr, I dunno,"" answered the captain, ""but it's driving me nuts.""

What is a pirate's favorite drink? The HI-C! (punchline must be said in proper pirate voice) (this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)

A pirate and his eye patch. A pirate and his mate meet in the bar. He hasn't seen him in a while and has suffered three injuries since they last met. When his mate walks in they greet each other and he notices the pirates injuries. He has a wooden leg, hook as a hand and an eye patch. ""How did you lose your leg?'' His mate asks. ""I was searching for treasure in the Carribean and when a shark took me leg"" replied the pirate. His mate also notices the hook on his arm. ""How did you lose your ha…

Just heard a Great Pirate Joke Pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender notices this and says ""You know you got the steering wheel from a ship down the front of your pants?"" The pirate says ""Yarr, she's drivin' me nuts!!""

So, a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch... The bartender asks, ""What the hell is that?"" The pirate responds, ""Arrrrr, it drives me nuts.""

I bring my Epipen everywhere It's my greatest treasure. I think my friend really wanted me to have it. He gave it to me right before he died.

What do you call a pirate's girlfriend? His soulmatey

Since it's National Talk Like a Pirate Day, here you go A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"" ""Arrh Not at tall."" the pirate replies, ""I be fine."" The bartender says, ""But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."" ""Arrh!,"" says the pirate, ""We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg. But the surgeon fixed me up, and I be fine, really."" ""Yeah,"" says the bartender, ""But …

Free doughnuts I went to Krispy Kreme for talk like a pirate day to get a free doughnut. I looked the cashier in the face and told her I used the free WiFi to download [insert popular movie name here]. They gave me free doughnuts for 25 to life.

In honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day: What is a pirate's favorite cereal? ""Plain K""! ... *crickets* ... Let me explain. It's like ""Special K"" cereal but ""Plain K"". Plain + K = Plank, as in: ""I'll stop telling these god ARRful jokes, and walk the *plank* now...""

A pirate walks into a bar..... He's got an eye patch, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. Strange thing is - He's got a ship's wheel stuffed halfway down the front of his pants. Before he can order, the bartender says, ""Mate, that looks mighty uncomfortable.... you've got a steering wheel shoved down your pants."" Pirate replies, ""Aye, It's driving me nuts!""

So a pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender asks him why he has the wheel on him, and the pirate replies ""YARR! IT'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!""

WHAT'S a pirate's fav'rite Letter? Aye, ye think it be RRRRR, but it's the C.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel Attached to his crotch. Bartender looks up and say ""hey pirate, you know you got a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"" Pirate says ""arrr its drivin me nuts""

Which antivirus program does a pirate use? [Avast](http://www.avast.com/), ye mateys!

A Pirate goes t' t' Doctors. He says t' t' Doctor ""I got these moles, moles I got and I'm very concerned about them"" Doctor says ""Don't be worried, they're benign"" Pirate replies ""Thank you Doctor but you cant count, thar be ten!""

A pirate walks into a bar... And orders a bottle of rum. The bar tender says that will be 10 dollars. The pirate replies, ""Do you accept Barrrr Nickels???""

Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated aarrrh.

""A pirate with no p... is irate!"" Friday is International talk Like a Pirate Day!

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? you: R? One might think it's the R, but really, it's the C.

What did the pirate say as he was sailing through Jamaica? ""X marks the pot, matey.""

A Guy was in a cave A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said ""I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."" The man agreed, and said ""I wish I had a mansion."" The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said ""I would like a million dollars."" The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, ""Scare me half to death.""

What's a pirate's favorite thing about turning 65? AArrrRP