Pirate Jokes

What did the pirate say to the other pirate? Don't touch my booty

Why was being a soprano a requirement to becoming a pirate? It made it easier to deal with high C's

So a pirate walks into a bar... So a pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices he has a large ship wheel on what looks like his belt buckle. The pirate tries to sit at the bar, but the wheel is too large for him to be able to comfortably sit. The bartender says, ""Hey, you're having trouble because of that wheel on your crotch."" The pirate replies, ""Aye. It's drivin' me nuts.""

A pirate walks into a bar and he has a steering wheel coming from his pants. The bartender says ""Hey you've got a steering wheel coming from out of your pants."" The pirate says ""Arrrrrr and it's driving me nuts.""

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it be R, but his first true love always be the C.

The story of the pink ping pong balls (semi-long read) A wealthy man had a little boy. For some reason, his first words were ""ping pong ball"". When the boy was old enough to speak, and understand birthdays and gifts and such (about three years old), he asked the boy ""So son, what would you like for your birthday this year?"" The boy said, ""Daddy, I would like a pink ping pong ball."" Father said ""That's it? No trucks, no trains no puzzles?"" The boy said ""No, just a pink ping pong ball. So…

There was once a pirate captain who never lost a battle... He sailed the seas, taking ship after ship, no one seemed to be able to defeat his crew in combat. One day, his first mate was curious about their great success. ""Cap'n, how is it you inspire the crew to fight their best no matter what we face?"" ""Well don't tell em lad, I always wear me red shirt, so if I ever be hurt the men won't see me blood and will keep fighting with all they got. I want to keep em thinking I can't be touched"" T…

A kid with no ears and a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate for Halloween.. He knocks on the door and yells, "" 'Rick or 'Rea""! A home owner with a peg leg comes out and says, ""Oh, what are you?"" The kid says, ""I'm a 'irate!"" ""An 'irate?"" the home owner asks. ""Oh a pirate! Well where's your buccaneers?"" The kid points to the sides of his head and says, ""Righ' here! Where's your buckin' leg?""

How does a butt pirate prevent scurvy. He eats a lot of ""fruits"".

Why is it so hard to pull over on the Pirate Highway? Because there's a parrot on the shoulder.

A pirate walks into a bar. He has a giant ship's steering wheel shoved down the seat of his pants. How walks up to the bar and sits down on a stool, but the wheel gets in the way. After about ten minutes of awkwardly adjusting himself, he gets on. Being a pirate he orders a glass of rum. As he goes to take a drink, his hand hits the wheel and the drink falls to the ground, breaking the glass and wasting the rum. ""Sorry about spilling me drink, I'll pay the cost o' that glass."" He says to the b…

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it's R but his first love will always be the C.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" Apparently it wasn't the best way to try to convince my girlfriend to get an abortion.

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it be R... but a true pirate always favors the C.

The cave of dreams Three friends grew up together in Seattle their names were Mike, Steve, and Davonte. As children the boys had an odd friend in the homeless gentleman that lived in there neighborhood. They used to tell their parents they were going to an arcade, and head down to the park instead. There they would give thean some change and he would tell them stories about ""The cave of dreams"" and it's endless treasure. When it came time for the boys to venture out into the world they made on…

Computing Pirates What's a pirate's favorite computer language? Aye, you'd think it was R, but tis the C

The pirate and the sailor A sailor walks into a bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand and an eye patch. His curiosity leads him to approach the pirate and ask, ""Why do you have a peg leg?"" ""I was washed overboard and a shark bit me leg off."" the pirate responds. ""Okay,"" says the sailor, ""but what about your hook hand?"" ""Me first mate tried to kill me with his sword but only got me hand instead."" ""Okay,"" says the sailor, ""but what about your eye patch?"" ""I was walking a…

Why did the one-eyed pirate keep running aground? No depth perception.

The navy caught a pirate armada. The admiral of the navy went to interrogate the pirate captain. He noticed that the captain was missing a leg, had a hook on a hand and was wearing an eyepatch. So he asked him the story behind them. The pirate captain said, ""I lost the hand 5 years ago, while fighting with the English army. So I used a hook in its place."" ""What about the leg?"" ""I lost the leg when a mutiny occured and my first mate fought me. I killed him and all the mutineers were executed…

What's a pirate's favorite letter? you may think it be R, but a pirates true love is for the C (sea)

What's the similarity between Hellen Keller and a sad pirate? Neither of them got to sea!

Went to see a pirate doctor and I pulled down my shirt and said, ""I've got these eight spots on my back, is there anything I should be concerned about?"" The pirate counted them and said, ""There be nine.""

I'd tell you the joke about the pirate But I don't think its arrrrrrpropriate.

What's a pirate's favorite letter? Marque and reprisal.