Pirate Jokes

So a pirate walks into a grocery store... And he asks for blubber. The clerk is amazed to see a pirate and exclaims ""Are you *really* a pirate!?"" ""Aye, matey."" ""Whale: aisle B!"" replied the surprised-yet-helpful clerk.

A pirate goes to the dentist.... ""Open wide and say aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr""

How much did the pirate farmer charge for his corn? [](/party)A buck-an-ear!

A pirate walks into a bar with paper towel on his head. The bartender says, ""Hey, do you realize you have paper towel on your head?"" The pirate replies, ""Arrrg, I have a bounty on my head.""

This joke only works if you read it out loud [OC] So, I was walking through the woods the other day, when I found a huge pile of gold coins. But before I could grab any, a spirit appeared and said, ""Be warned! This treasure is cursed. If you take all these coins, you'll turn into a dog!"" ""So,"" I asked, ""What if I just take *some* of the treasure?"" ""Well, then I guess you'll just turn partially into a dog,"" said the spirit. I had to think about it for a while. I mean, I really needed the …

Pirate ship Why did the pirate carve a topless mermaid into the front of his ship? Yar, cause wouldn't it be loverly

I asked a poor pirate why he had a seagull on his shoulder instead of a proper parrot. ""Arrrr...it were on sail.'

So a pirate walks into a bar... ...and the bartender immediately notices a small ship's steering wheel sticking out of the pirate's fly. The bartender finds it strange, but he has seen some pretty weird stuff in his day, so he lets it slide and pours the pirate a shot of rum. After the pirate had been there an hour or so, the bartender's curiosity got the better of him and he takes the pirate aside. ""Hey, man...you DO realize you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your zipper, right?"" The…

A Captains True Colors A long time ago there was this sea captain and he was out sailing the high seas when one of the crew spotted a pirate ship on the horizon. Right before the battle began, the captain cried out, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" It was a long fight but in the end the captain and his crew were victorious. The next day two pirate ships appeared. Once again the captain cried out, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" and once again the captain and his men defeated the pirates. That evening every…

So a pirate has a steering wheel on his pants. After he boards the ship, his matey asks him, ""Do you know that there's a steering wheel on your pants?"" He then replies, ""Arg, and it's driving me nuts!""

A pirate with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar ""Bartender, bring me a pint of grog!"" says te pirate. ""And I'll have a cola!"" shouts the parrot. ""Shut up, stupid bird, no cola for you."" He finishes his drink and orders another. ""And I'll have a cola!"" shouts the parrot again. ""You are not getting any cola, and if you don't shut up I'll nail your wings to the wall!"". Soon after that he orders his third grog, and the parrot says: ""And I'll have a cola!"". ""Right, that's it!"" H…

A pirate is sitting at the bar With a paper towel hat on his head, the bartender, being curious to why this pirate would make himself look completely ridiculous, goes to the pirate and asks him why on earth does he have a paper towel hat on. The pirate looks the bartender right in the eye and says ""Arrrg I have a bounty on me head""

A pirate walk's into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants... A pirate walk's into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The Bartender asks, ""Hey, doesn't that hurt?"" the pirate growls, ""Aye, it's drivin' me nuts""

What did the lesbian pirate say to her peg legged girlfriend? Scissor me timbers

A bartender is cleaning up for the night... ... And is just about to close when a stereotypical pirate bursts through the door. He saunters over to the bar, slams down a gold doubloon and says, "" one bottle a' rum no questions asked"" the bartender does as he says and the pirate downs it and leaves. The next night as he was cleaning up and was about to close, the same pirate bursts through the doors and repeats the events from the previous night, ""one bottle a' rum no questions asked"". This g…

What would you call Osama bin Laden if he became a pirate? Sandy Hook.

Arrrrr Matey These be pirate jokes.... Why can't pirates be EMT's? They don't know CPRRRRRrrr.. Why did the Pirate take a vacation? For a little ArRR and ARRRRrrr... What do they teach at Pirate Elementary? The three Arrrrrrs... What TV show do pirates watch? E.Rrrrrrr. Why did the pirates need GPS? So that they could know where they arrrr... What would Popeye say if he were a pirate? ""I are what I rrrrrrrr..."" there ya be.....

A pirate walks into a bar ... A pirate walks into a bar with the ship's wheel attached to his pants and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, ""Hey, you've got your ship's wheel on your pants."" The pirate says, ""Yarrr, I know, and it's driving me nuts.""

Pirate walls into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"" ""What do you mean?"" the pirate replies, ""I'm fine."" The bartender says, ""But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."" ""Well,"" says the pirate, ""We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."" ""Yeah,"" says the bartender, ""But what about that hook? Last time …

Do you know what a pirate's favorite letter is? Most people think its ""R"" but it's really the ""C.""

Pink Ping Pong balls A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?' The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a…

What be a pirate's favorite letter? Ah, ye'd think it be R matey.... but actually it's the C!

Carly is a pirate. Because X marks the spot.

The treasure hunt was invented in northern India. Thus the name 'hide and Sikh'. #truefact

I'm writing a story about a Pirate who sells corn... It's about a buccaneer.