Pirate Jokes

A pirate walks into a bar... He has a ship's wheel right on his crotch. The bartender asks: ""What's the wheel for?"" The pirate reply's: ""ARRRRRGH, It's drivin' me nuts!""

What did the pirate captain say to the sucker fish he hired to clean his ship? Suck my *DECK*!!!

I treasure my watch. This is my grandfather, who sold it to me on his deathbed.

A pirate walks into a bar... ...and he's got a ship's wheel shoved down the front of his pants. The bartender asks him, ""Why is there ship's wheel in your pants?"" The pirate responds, ""YAAARRR! It be drivin' me nuts!""

PIRATE CORN: $12/DOZEN

In honor of 'Talk like a pirate' day, my favorite joke: A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel attached to him by the front of his pants. He sits down, and the bartender, curious, asks him 'Why do you have a steering wheel attached to you? Isn't it uncomfortable?' The pirate sighs, troubled, and answers 'Yaaarrr, it's drivin' me nuts!'

Stolen From Another Reddit (I Think) In Honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day There once was a pirate (the story relates) who thought he could rhumba on skates. He fell on his cutlass which rendered him nutless and virtually useless on dates.

A joke for pirate day. A pirate ship's first mate comes up to the deck to find the ship's (steering) wheel missing. The first mate rushes to the captain of the ship, only to find the wheel in his pants. The first mate asks, ""Captain, did you know the ship's wheel is in your pants?"" ""Aaarrrh,"" the pirate captain replied. ""I know, it's driving me nuts!""

My favorite pirate joke A pirate walks into a bar. He sits down to reveal he has a sheath on his hook hand. He turns to the man sitting next to him and says, ""Arr, I be bettin you I can eat me own hook."" The man, thinking this is just some crazy pirate man, takes the bet. The pirate then removes to sheath from his hook to reveal that it's made entirely of chocolate. The pirate eats the hook and says ""Arr, I guess you should have *never judged a hook by its cover*."" Then, as he's leaving the …

Butt Pirates I pirate captain was walking around his ship with the ships steering wheel shoved up his ass. This confused the first mate, so he went and asked the captain why the ships steering wheel was sticking out of his ass. The captain replied: ""Argghhh matie!...It's driving me nuts.""

What's a pirate's favorite letter? ""P"" because it's an R that lost a leg.

How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced A buccaneer

Bowlegged Pirate Did you hear about the bow legged pirate? Apparently he has C legs

I met a pirate the other day that had a steering wheel in his pants. I asked him what that was. He said: ""rrrr ...i don't what it izz but it's driving mezzz nuts""

Soiled Pirate There once was a noble Pirate who had a very mighty crew. One day, they spotted an enemy ship coming towards them when they were sailing. The Pirate said ""YOU! Go get me red shirt!"" So the young and rising Pirate did as the captain had said. Then a fierce battle took place between the two ships, with the red-shirted Pirate and his crew standing tall. Then one Pirate asked the captain ""Sir, why do ye always wear a red shirt into battle?"" The captain replied ""Because if I get sh…

Pirate walks into a bar As a bartender was cleaning up for the evening as a pirate walked into his bar. This was the most stereo typical pirate the bartender had ever seen. He had an eye-patch over one eye, a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, a hook for a hand, and spoke with the usual pirate accent. The only thing that set this pirate apart from all the other pirates the bartender had seen was the GIANT wood steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants. The Pirate approached the bar and s…

what did the transvestite say to the pirate? Q. what did the transvestite say to the pirate? A. ""I'M going to plunder your butt hole!""

The very first joke I ever learned as a kid. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A Buccaneer. (Wah, wah, wah, waaaaahhhhh)

A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar and sits. He is dressed as a stereotypical pirate, with a hook hand, peg leg, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder. As the bartender prepares his drink, he asks, ""What happened to your hand?"" The pirate replies, ""I was sparring with me crew and one cut off me hand."" Bartender: ""What about your leg?"" Pirate: ""We were boarding an enemy ship and one guy went and cut off me leg."" Bartender: ""And the eyepatch?"" Pirate: ""Well, Polly p…

A pirate ship is blown apart during a battle with the Navy. A pirate ship is blown up during a battle with the Navy. The only survivors are an old crusty pirate and a pesky parrot. As they float together on some old timbers the parrot asks, ""How's your ass?"" The pirate just ignores the parrot. So the parrot asks again, ""How's your ass?"" Again the pirate ignores him. Over and over again the parrot asks, ""How's your ass? How's your ass?"" Finally, annoyed, the old pirate yells at the parrot, …

To err is human To arrrgh is pirate

What does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? about a Buccaneer (buck-an-ear) yuck...yuck...yuck

A Pirate Captain Spots a Naval Ship On The Horizon ... He turns to his first mate and says ""Get me my red shirt!"". The first mate asks why and the captain replies, ""If I get injured in battle I wouldn't want my crew to worry about me"". The first mate nods and fetches the shirt. The pirates engage the naval ship but soon discover it was a the flagship of a much larger naval fleet that was heading in their direction. The captain turns to his first mate and says ""Fetch me my brown pants!""

Brave Captain Smith One fine day, brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue. Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull and crossbones raised on the mast. The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do. Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said, ""Bring me my red shirt."" The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy. As soon as Captain Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at …

How much did the pirate spend on his earings? A buck an ear.