Pirate Jokes

A pirate walks into a bar... ...With a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, ""Is that a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate says ""Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!""

A man walks into a bar and sees a pirate with the helm of a ship in his pants. The man is quite confused and stares for a while. Finally, he approaches the pirate and asks, ""Is that a helm in your pants?"" The pirate replies, ""Aye!"" The man says, ""Isn't that driving you crazy?"" The pirate says, ""It's driving me nuts!""

What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? Ahh yes I can see how you would think it's the ""r"", but in fact it's tha ""C""!

Literally just happened at work. Helping an old man and his wife (probably mid 70's) figure out how they are going to spend there stay here at the fabulous Treasure Island, the old man asks me if I like corny jokes. Of course I say yes and then it goes a little something like this , Old man: Do you know what happens to a gorilla when the lights go out? Me: (uh-oh here comes a black joke) No? Old man: He's in the dark (proceeds to lol) Me: hahah nice (peace out old man enjoy the Hoover Dam)

Too err is human... To Arr is pirate.

So a pirate hobbles uncomfortably into a bar... and the bar tender notices something strange. ""Is that a uhhh... steering wheel in your pants buddy?"" The pirate looks up and says ""Yaaarr it be! And it be driving me nuts!""

What do you call a black, seafaring plunderer? Pirate. Unless you're a clever racist, then you might've said ""nigarrr"".

The captain's red shirt Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, ""Bring me my red shirt!"". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that ther…

Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine? Because there is no quarter for the wicked.

Pirate captian and his clothes One day at sea, pirates are sailing and one pirate in the crows nest yells ""enemy ship on the horizan!"" The first mate walks up to the captian and asks ""cap'in, what you want me ta do?"" Captian replies ""bring me my red shirt"". The battle lasts for a good 30 minutes to an hour. After the battle, the pirates stand tall. First mate walks up to the captian and asks ""cap'in, why did you want your red shirt"" he says ""for if i were hurt, my men would not notice m…

Captain Bravo Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Hand me my red shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The capt…

Halloween Pirate Joke Little Johnny dressed up as a pirate. He rang the first door bell and a woman answered. ""Hello!"" she said. ""What are you dressed up as?"" Johnny replies (with his speech impediment), ""A birate."" ""A what?"" asked the woman. ""A BIRATE!"" said Johnny. The woman replied, ""Oh, you mean a pirate. Well tell me Mr. Pirate, where are your bucannears?"" Johnny looked at her weirdly and said, ""They're on my buckin' HEAD!""

A pirate walks into a bar... And sits down orders a drink without anybody making a pun about his nuts.

What is a pirate's favorite letter? ""R?"" ""Aye, ye would think so but 'tis the C he loves!""

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his belt... The bartender asks: ""What the hell is a steering wheel doing there?"" the pirate replies: ""Arr, it's been driving me nuts""

The uncertain pirate replied... ...""Arrr maybe!""

My parents thought I am their treasure They want to bury me to the ground

A pirate walks into a bar ... A pirate walks into a bar. He's got it all, a parrot on his shoulder, a pirate-y sword at his belt, an eye-patch, the whole works. And he is also carrying his boat's steering wheel in front of his private parts. The bartender shouts: ""Oi, mate, you've got a steering wheel dangling in front of your willy!"" The pirate replies: ""Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!"" (Sorry for the bad English, it's not my first language.)

I be havin' a tale about me parrot! Back when I were just a young sea-dog, I found meself sailin' under the iron grip o' Captain Nobeard. A fearsome pirate, was she, known fer cuttin' down anyone who crossed her! Well, being a new pirate, I figured I'd be needin' a parrot fer me shoulder. Picked one out, did I, in the first port where we made berth. Being that the bird were always spinning in circles - a great lookout, thought I - the name I chose fer him was ""A'turnin."" No sooner had I come b…

Childhood was easy When I was a kid, I used to love playing pirate. We'd dress up in our hats and eyepatches and run to people on the street yelling 'we're pirates, give us yer money!' Some would play along and some would be a bit intimidated. Apparently this isn't excusable if you're 22.

The captain of a pirate ship always wears a red shirt... one day, one of his crew members asks him why he always wears red. The captain responds with ""well, I always wear this shirt because if I get shot during a fight, i don't want you guys to see blood and get all freaked out."" ""Well thats very considerate of you sir"" - responds the crew member. Shorty after, a hostile ship is spotted on the horizon. As cannonballs are hitting their boat, the captain yells to the crew member: ""get me my b…

A young sailor is listening to an old pirate tell his stories... ...and notices that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eyepatch. The young man asks the pirate, ""How did you get your peg leg?"" ""Well you see,"" says the pirate, ""I once got so rip, roaring drunk, that I stumbled and fell overboard. The crew scrambled to fish me out, and just as I was being lifted, a shark came and took a huge bite of me leg!"" The young sailor is impressed, and asks the pirate ""Well, how did you get you…

Another Great Pirate Joke. A Pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender notices that he has a steering wheel on his junk. It was getting late so the bartender did not particularly care that there was a steering wheel on this pirate's junk and was just trying to finish his shift. The pirate walks up to the counter and says, ""Arrrrghh, I'll have a rum, matey."" The bartender serves the pirate his rum, but, after a bit, his curiosity gets the best of him and he approaches the pirate and says, ""I …

Pirate joke what I made up What do you call a pirate with two legs, two arms and two eyes? Noob.

[Pirate Week] More pirate puns. What is a pirates favourite body part? The Arrrrm What is a pirates favourite state? Arrrkansas. What is a pirates favourite letter off the alphabet? You may think that it's R, but actually it's the C they love.