Pirate Jokes

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel has died of thirst. He's crawling through the sands certain that he has breathed his last when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object pulls it out of the sand and discovers what looks to be an ash tray from an old car. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid sport coat. The…

eer booze and fun!' 'A pirate was talking to a ""land-lubber"" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that like any self-respecting pirate this guy had a peg leg a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate ""How did you loose your leg?"" The pirate responded ""I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked ""What about you hand. …

A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day he opens his desk drawer takes out a worn envelope removes a yellowing sheet of paper reads it nods his head looks around the room with renewed vigor returns the envelope to the drawer and then begins his day's work. After he retires the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope i…

A pirate walks into a bar... Hook hand, peg-leg, eye-patch, the whole nine yards. He's decked out in his best pirate garb and just strolls into this pub. The modern folks in the bar are stunned and amused, but only one brave patron approaches, "Are you really a pirate?" he asks "Aye, lad, that I am. Captain Killigan at yer service." "Wow, so is all this stuff real? The hook and the leg and all?" "Aye, aye, and I'll tell ye the story of 'em all for a drink." Eager to hear his story, the m…

Guy walks into a bar... and sees a pirate with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Intrigued, the man approaches and inquires "whats with the steering wheel?" to which the pirate responds, "Arrr, its drivin' me nuts!"

Pirate joke! So Long John Silver's was looking for a mascot to sell their fish on T.V and they were looking for a pirate. So the first audition walks in and he is the perfect pirate! Peg leg, eye patch and hook for a hand, the perfect pirate look. The interviewer talks to him for a little bit and finally decides to ask how he lost his leg. The pirate says, "I had to walk the plank, and a shark came and took me leg!" Next the interviewer asks about his hook The pirate says, "some scalawag …

A Sea Captain looks through his telescope and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt". "But why, Captain?" the Mate says. "If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed". The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again: "Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants The bartender ask, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate says,"Arrrgh, it's driving me nuts"

Pirate in a Bar A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, "Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like to buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum. "Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?" "Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that limb to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I wa…

A joke my Cousin told to me when I was 5, that I rewrote one day. The Rabi and the Trids (WARNING: LONG) This is the story of a Rabbi named Steven. Steven was lost in the mountains of Bolivia one day. He had embarked from Lima weeks ago, but his translator had taken a rather nasty tumble and was no longer with him. But the Rabbi continued. He walked forward and up, perhaps being guided by a higher force. On the eighth day of his adventure in the mountains, he stumbled upon a beautiful river in …

A pirate walks into a bar... ... and sits down to order a drink. The bartender notices something peculiar about the pirate and can't hold in his curiosity. "Hey buddy", the bartender says. "Why is there a wheel sticking out the front of your pants?" "Yarr", the pirate replies. "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts".

What is a pirate's favorite letter? [read with a pirate accent when they most likely say, "RRRRR"] "You'd think it'd be R but 'tis the C they love"

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You think it'd be R but it be the C

A pirate walks in a bar... A pirate walks in a bar with a paper towel on his head, the bartender says "whats with that" the Pirate says "ARR!! I have Bounty on me head"

A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel down the front of his pants. The bartender says, "Hey mate, what's with the wheel?" The pirate responds, "Arg, it's driving me nuts!"

A sea captain and his seamen... Were out protecting the coast from pirates. As they were sailing, they spot one pirate ship. The captain yells to his seaman "Everyone prepare for battle" and he calls for first mate and says "First mate, bring me my red coat" The first mate brings the red coat and they beat the pirate ship. The next day two pirate ships are spotted. The captain yells out again "Everyone prepare for battle! First mate bring me my red coat!" They fight the pirates and win but…

My favorite Pirate joke my dad always tells A young pirate is talking to an older pirate and he says, "wow how did you lose your hand?" pointing at the pirates hook. "Arrr me young lad twas fighting off some scurvy attackers trying to take me ship and in the sword fight I got me hand cut off." "Well how did you lose your leg?" he asked pointing at the wooden leg. "Arr me young lad was cooling my feet off in the ocean one fine sunny day and a shark came and bit me leg off!" "Well how did yo…

A schoolteacher quits his job to become a pirate... In 18th century America, a schoolteacher decides that he's sick and tired of teaching spelling and grammar to children all day. So he quits his job, sells his house, and plans to become a pirate. He goes down the harbor to buy a boat and hire a crew. Once his crew is ready, they head out onto the high seas, with the captain/former teacher at the helm. As they sail, they spy a merchant ship on the horizon and start chasing it. As they catch u…

Pink Ping Pong Balls A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?' The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to h…

A sailor walks into a bar He orders a drink and notices there's a mean, weather beaten pirate next to him at the bar. The pirate has a hook, a peg leg, and an eye patch. After a few drinks the sailor gets the courage to ask the pirate how he lost his leg. The pirate tells him, "We were in the midst of a raging storm, a wave crashed over the deck and swept me off inter the sea. Before I was rescued, a shark swam up and bit off me leg!" "That's quite the story" the sailor responds. "What abou…

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

A deckhand comes up to the pirate captain. "The cannons be ready, Captain," he reports. *"Are,"* the captain scornfully replies.

pirate jokes eh? How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? a buccaneer

My favorite pirate joke (no arrr) Say it out loud. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? I'm 80!

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might thinks it's 'Arrrr" but his first love be the 'C'