Pirate Jokes

A pirate has a steering wheel attached to his crotch. As he walks down the street someone notices and asks "Doesn't that hurt?" The pirate replies, "Arr, it drives me nuts."

How much citrus does it take to kill a pirate? None.

A day before his 15th birthday the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, "Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?" The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, "Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong bal…

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. When the bartender points it out, the pirate replies "Arrrgh, it's been driving me nuts all day."

A pirate captain walks into a bar... ...with a peg leg, a steering wheel hanging from his pants, and a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender: "Excuse me Captain, but you have a steering wheel hanging from your pants!" Pirate: "Arrrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."

How much does corn cost a pirate? Maybe a buck an ear

What letter keeps a pirate calm? P without it they are irate

A pirate walks into a bar ..wearing a paper towel hat. The bartender asks, “what’s with the paper towel hat?”. Pirate says, “aarr, there be a bounty on me head.”

My mother told me, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” Terrible way to learn I’m adopted.

A pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand and an eyepatch walks into a bar. The bartender says to him, "If you don't mind my asking, how'd you get that peg leg?" The pirate answers, "Well, matey, I was knocked overboard during a terrible storm. I spent several hours clinging to a piece of flotsam before me ship found me, but not before a shark took me leg." The bartender nods and asks, "What about the hook hand?" The pirate answers, "A few months after I lost me leg, we were boarded by some Royal…

What’s a red-flag when dating a pirate? They won’t stop talking about their X

Who is a Christian's favorite pirate? Sinbad

Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted

My daughter ate a penny yesterday… Today, I went on the world’s shittiest treasure hunt! True story

Pirates on the island Three castaways - Arthur, Claude, and Oki - were stranded on an island for three days after their plane crashed. Together, they've been gathering food, water, and firewood in order to survive until help arrives. Then one day, Arthur was hurriedly running back into the other two. "Hurry," he said to them. "Hide yourselves. There are pirates on the island!" "Pirates?" asked Claude. "Don't be silly. They've been gone a long time ago." "No, really," insisted Arthur. "Let's …

What did the octogenarian pirate say? Aye matey years old. Don't blame me. Our conductor told it at a sea shanty concert this weekend.

An old Chinese man and an old Jewish man are good friends …and have been for many years. Every day they take a walk to the park, sit on a bench, and feed the ducks. They never say much to each other; they just quietly enjoy each other's company. Which is why the Chinese man is surprised when one day, as they sit on the bench, the Jewish man suddenly says, "You know, Sam, there's something I've meant to say for a while. I really treasure our friendship, yet there's a part of me that's never for…

A pirate walks into a bar with a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch covering an empty socket. After a couple drinks he’s chatting it up with fellow patrons when one finally asks what has been on everyone’s mind. “You’ve got a lot of scars, you must have some crazy stories. How did you lose your leg?” The pirate looks down at his peg leg and says “I saw the cannon fire, and before I could move it took me leg clean off.” “And how about your hand?” the curious man pressed on. The …

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

A man rescues a "pirate" from a deserted island. After inviting the apparent pirate onto his boat, he asks whether it is harder to plunder ships with a wooden leg, hook for a hand, and eye patch. The man promptly replies "actually, I'm not a pirate." "Oh really? Then what's with the wooden leg?" "I was trying to swim out of the island. A shark bit my leg off and I had to replace it with this plank of wood." "Well, what about the hand?" "While foraging for food in the island, a snake bit my…

What does a lesbian pirate with two peg legs say to her girlfriend? Scissor me timbers 😂

Why did the pirate walk the plank? Because they don't own a dog

A kid takes home his report card with some terrible grades A kid takes home a really bad report card and next day goes up to the teacher and says "I showed my dad my report card, he was really drunk slurring words but he told me while I'm in class I better learn what buccaneers are." So the teacher says "oh that's a term that they use to describe a pirate" boy replies "oh I see...so what does it mean to shut my buccin mouth?"

A pirate walks in a barrr and barrrtender says, “Be ye knowin’ thar be a helm in yer knickers?!” To which the pirate responds, “Aye, and it be drivin’ me nuts!”

A man with a completely bald head and only one leg is invited to a Fancy Dress Party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will look just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disab…