A pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand and an eyepatch walks into a bar. The bartender says to him, "If you don't mind my asking, how'd you get that peg leg?" The pirate answers, "Well, matey, I was knocked overboard during a terrible storm. I spent several hours clinging to a piece of flotsam before me ship found me, but not before a shark took me leg." The bartender nods and asks, "What about the hook hand?" The pirate answers, "A few months after I lost me leg, we were boarded by some Royal Marines. I got into a swordfight with one of them, and he managed to take me hand, but I took his life." To complete the trifecta, the bartender asks, "and the eyepatch?" An embarrassed look comes over the pirate's face, and he sheepishly says: "...A seagull pooped in me eye." The bartender looks at him in confusion. "And you have to wear a patch because of that?" The pirate rubs the back of his neck with his good hand. "Erm, kind of... it was me first day with the hook."