Pirate Jokes

What disease does a pirate fear most? Arrrrthritis

A pirate ship encountered an enemy vessel on the high seas. The pirate captain told his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt." The first mate did what he was told and the pirates won the day. Some time later, the pirates encountered 3 enemy vessels. The level-headed captain told his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt." Again, the pirates won. The pirates had a feast to celebrate, and the first mate asked the captain why he always wears a red shirt in battle. "So if I'm ever wounded in battle, y…

My family is like a treasure to me… You need a shovel and a map to find them

A brave and fearsome pirate sailed toward a small island, in search for buried treasure. He and his crew raced ahead in their rowboat, eagerly awaiting a massive payday. When they shortly came upon a large forest, they searched desperately for the last clue on the map. As the first mate guided them carefully up to a clearing, he stopped suddenly and pointed at a crouched figure straight ahead. The captain gasped. "...Carol??" "Hey, loser," she droned, relieving herself between two pines. "I …

A Fighter, a Rogue, a Wizard and a Cleric walk into a dungeon... The fighter says "Keep an eye out for mimics!" "Got it!" said the Rogue. "No problem!" said the Wizard. "Of course!" said the Cleric. "Psh! Mimics aren't real!" said the treasure chest.

How much did it cost the pirate to have his ears pierced? A buck an ear

Why is a pirate a marketing-employee? Because he works'n'sails

What's a pirate's favorite cheese? Jarrrrrlsberg

What is a pirate's LEAST favourite letter? Dear Sir or Ma'am, we are cutting your internet connection due to illegal downloading and copyright violations. Sincerely, Internet Provider

What is pirate's favourite letter? Letter of marque.

A large and powerful kingdom conquered their wealthy neighbor only to discover its treasure was all hidden away. Only the count from the conquered kingdom knew where the gold was hidden but he refused to tell. The conquerors took him to the dungeon, placed his head on the chopping block, and told him: “This is your last chance! Tell us where the gold is or off comes your head!” Beads of sweat slithered down the count’s face but still he said nothing. The captain gave the signal, and the exe…

"One man's trash is another man's treasure," is a great philosophy But it's a lousy way to tell a kid they're adopted.

What is a pirate's favorite comic book company? You may've thought it was Marrrrrvel, but his first love is always DC.

What do you call when a Pirate updates their iPhone? an iPatch. ​ Story: I went to a Pirate dinner show and they were giving away bandanas and eyepatches and I thought of this joke. Hate it, love it... I don't care :)

Blackbeard is in the bath and he finds 10 new moles on his back. Being a health concious pirate, he books an appointment with his dermatologist to get them checked out. The dermatologist takes a look and says "Well, cap'n, i've done a thorough examination and i'm pretty sure they're benign" ​ Blackbeard replies "Arrrrrr, can ye check again? I'm sure there be ten!"

How did the pirate afford such a big boat? It was on sail.

There were 3 men. There were 3 men who grew up together in a small town Jim, George, and Jerry. They were known for the quirks, Jim being a fire bug, George being a nature lover, and Jerry being a deep sea diver. One day Jerry happens upon a bottle with a note on it along the coast. He rushed to show his friends his find. When they read it, it tells of a treasure of a legendary pirate captain and how to find it. They set off the next day in search of it each one as excited as the other. The…

What's a pirate's favorite periodic element? Gold. What would a pirate want to do with Argon?

What's a pirate's favorite letter? A writ of safe passage from his majesty, King Charles II of England.

Long ago, when sailing ships rules the waves Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the looko…

Jack Sparrow was talking to Forrest Gump. Jack asked, "Do you know what a pirate's favorite drink is?" Forrest thinks for a second, and says "Hi-C?" Jack shakes his head. Forrest thinks again and says "Oh, I know. It's Arrrr-Sea Cola." Jack shakes his head again and says "Rum, Forrest. Rum".

Alyssa: “I’ve had it up to here with you, John! You think I talk like a pirate and you never buy me flowers! John: “You want to know something? I do think you talk like a pirate! And I didn’t even know you sold flowers!

What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday? AYYYYYY MATEY

A pirate walked into a bar. A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.' 'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.' Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.' Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.' Bartender: 'Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?' Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and go…

A pirate sees a doctor He tells the doctor, "Doctor, there are countless moles on me back." The doctor takes a look and responds, "No need to worry, they're benign." The pirate exclaims, "Look again, I think there may be ten!"