Pirate Jokes

[NSFW] The Barrel A man who was down on his luck decided to join a pirate crew. There was always excitement, always rum, and always loot, but as the weeks went by he began to realize that life on a ship at sea away from women was a bit lonely. The first mate seeing his frustration walked over and asked what was wrong. The man explained that it had been quite a while since he had enjoyed the company of a nice round female. The first mate winked and said, ""You haven't heard of The Barrel."" ""The…

Why did the female pirate turn lesbian? Because she did not like sea-men.

If I hack a movie in Guadeloupe... Am i a pirate of the caribbeans ?

An Irish pirate with a 12 inch wiener walks into a bar and the bartender says ""I don't even know how to label you!""

What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple? iPatch

So a pirate wants to get his ears pierced... He goes to the mall where he finds an ear piercing kiosk and asks the girl how much it would cost. The girl turns and says, ""Oh hi! It's a buccaneer!""

Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating... Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating dressed as a pirate. He rings the doorbell of the first house and an old lady answers the door, bowl of candy in hand. She takes one look at him and exclaims, ""Oh, such a handsome pirate. And where are your Buccaneers?"" Little Johnny looks up at her and replies, ""Under my Buckin' hat!""

What does a Pirate prefer to wear? Doublet or nothing.

What is a Pirate's favorite letter? U, for Unoriginal Joke.

What is a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant? Long John Silvers.

What is a pirate's favorite letter. Most thing it's R ""Aaarrr"" but they would be wrong. Many other think its the C ""sea"", but they too are wrong. In actuality it is P, because without it, they are always irate.

Pirate walks into a bar... ... and as he sallies up to the bar and takes off his tricorne, the bartender notices it is lined with napkins... Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and as he points at the hat he asks, ""napkins?"" The pirate eyes him suspiciously and responds, ""Aye, ye ain't a true pirate without a Bounty on ye head!""

What do you call a pirate who solves mysteries? A pirate aye!

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? **R** systems have detected a breach of copyright coming from your home address.

Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port... About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate ship, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze! ""Captain, captain, what do we do?"" asked the first mate. ""First mate,"" said the captain, ""go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt."" The first mate did so. Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties. A few…

Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!

A lot of people seem to like these pirate jokes... ...but I'm just not hooked.

A pirate walks into a bar. He has the helm of a ship sticking out of his pants. The bartender very timidly asks him if he would like a drink. ""Arrrgh I'll have a pint of grog!"" The bartender gets him his drink, and everyone in the bar starts to whisper to each other about the pirate. After his third glass of grog, the bartender walks up to the pirate and says, ""hey buddy, everybody is wondering, what's with the steering wheel sticking out your pants?"" ""Arrrgh its me wife. She's been driving…

A merchant ship captain spots a pirate vessel in the distance... He says, ""First mate, there is a pirate vessel coming straight for us. We must take evasive maneuvers. And bring me my red shirt."" The first mate says, ""Your red shirt? Why captain?"" Captain says, ""So if I am wounded in the coming battle, the men won't know see me bleed."" ""Good Idea!"" Says the first mate. They survive the battle, the captain is uninjured and they sail on. Two days later the captain sees 4 pirate ships in cl…

What is a chinese pirate an expert at? Flying a plane.

(long) A ship captain notices a pirate ship gaining speed for an attack. He tells his first mate to get him his red shirt. ""Why?"" the first mate asked. ""I want the red shirt in case I get hit and start bleeding no one can tell and we don't lose moral."" They fight and win the battle and start to celebrate. After a few minutes they see 20 more ships and the captain turns to his first mate to say ""bring me my brown pants!""

This PS4 Pirate Simulator game is rubbish! Bringing your ship into harbour is a nightmare! I guess it's just a bad port.

A pirate walks into a bar And sits down next to another pirate. He asks him if he'd like a drink and adjusts his eye patch. The second pirate brightens up and says, ""Would I?!"" The first pirate gets up, angry and says ""Screw you, peg leg!""

What did the pirate say to his sister? Aye sis

What do you call blueberries, raspberries and strawberries inside of a hidden chest? Berried Treasure.