Pirate Jokes

I visited an old, abandoned fairground yesterday... My whole family advised me not to. ""Don't go near the rollercoaster"", said my mum. ""Why?"" I asked. ""Remember... the story of how it is haunted by Runaway Tom... a ghost that is said to tie his victims to the track and have the rollercoaster run over them."" ""Don't go near the pirate ship,"" said my sister. ""Why?"" ""Because it is haunted by Cut Throat Greybeard... a ghost who will hang you and slice you..."" ""And don't go into the hall …

An old Persian joke Long ago, there lived a poor peasant in the Persian Empire. The man had, some years before, lost his luck. His wife died, his meager wealth ebbed further away, and the poor peasant was on the verge of starvation. Realizing his life was growing grim, he decided that he would find his luck out there in the world and take it back. Packing what little belongings he had, the man set out on a quest to find his missing luck. As he walked through a large, open plain, he stumbled upon…

What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday? ""I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!""

The Garden of Eden [Poem] In the Garden of Eden, as everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve without any clothes. In this garden were two little leaves. One covered Adam and one covered Eve. As the story goes on, never the less to say, Along came the wind and blew the leaves away. At the sight Adam did stare, There was Eve's treasure all covered with hair. And wonder came into Eve's eyes, As Adam's thing started to rise. They found a spot, which suited them best, A nice big tree where they began to re…

What is the principle argument for a complex pirate? Arg!

A man walks into a bar... ...after a long days work. He sits down and orders a beer from the bartender. After taking a sip, he looks around the bar and notices the only other patron is a pirate sitting at the other end of the bar. He swiftly realizes the pirate has a steering wheel in his pants, so he decides to call out to him. ""Hey Pirate, Hey Pirate, you have a steering wheel in your pants!"" The pirate says, ""Argh, it's driving me nuts!""

So a pirate walks into a bar, he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender goes: ""What are you doing with that thing?"" The pirate responds: ""Arr, its been drivin' me nuts.""

What letter do pirate's hate the most? Dear Charter Internet Customer: Charter Communications (""Charter"") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.

A man walks into a bar and sees a pirate. A man strolls into his local bar and is shocked to see a pirate sitting at the end of the bar. The guy was decked out, eye patch, peg leg, and a hook hand. A real, proper pirate. So the man says ""why not?"" And pulls up a seat next to the pirate. He buys a round for himself and the pirate and introduces himself. ""**Aye**"" The man is just dying to know the old salt's story so he says to the pirate, ""If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your l…

A pirate walks into a bar... ...and requests a grog of ale. ""Sure thing pal,"" says the bartender. But he sees the pirate has his ship's wheel stuck in his pants. ""Mr. Pirate,"" he says, ""you do realize your wheel is in your pants?"" The pirate looks at the bartender with a fury-induced bloodshot eye that held years of rage. ""Aye...it's driving me *nuts*!""

""Hey little pirate, where are your buccaneers?"" ""Underneath my buckin hat!""

What is a pirate's favorite kind of explosive? A M-80.

How do you hold a pirate rabbit? With its buccaneers! Source: Dad.

Pirate walks into a bar... Bartender says, ""Is that a napkin on your head?"" Pirate replies "" No, it be a bounty"".

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel sticking out his crotch. 'Does that not hurt?' asks the bartender. To which the pirate replies: 'Yaarr, it's driving me nuts!'

A young pirate on his first day on the job was having an orientation with the captain. The captain said, ""So this meeting is nearly over, do you have any questions?"" The young pirate replied, ""Yeah, I noticed there are no women on the ship. What should I do if I get urges?"" ""Oh yeah. There's a barrel in the back of the ship with a hole in it. Just go to town on it whenever you need some release."" The young pirate said, ""Okay that sounds not too bad."" The captain said, ""Alright, so the l…

Pink Ping Pong Balls A wealthy man had a little boy. For some reason, his first words were ""ping pong ball"". When the boy was old enough to speak, and understand birthdays and gifts and such (about three years old), he asked the boy ""So son, what would you like for your birthday this year?"" The boy said, ""Daddy, I would like a pink ping pong ball."" Father said ""That's it? No trucks, no trains no puzzles?"" The boy said ""No, just a pink ping pong ball. So the father gets him the pink ping…

A pirate is selling his loot at a stand on the docks A pirate is selling some loot at a stand he has set up on the docks. A man approaches and is interested in hearing about how he lost his limbs. Man: ""How did you lose your leg?"" Pirate: ""I was fighting off a shark in the sea. He got me leg, but I got one of his teeth. Now I use this wooden leg to replace me real one."" Man: ""Is that how you lost your hand too?"" Pirate: ""No, that was lost when I was attacking another boat of pirates. The …

My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her EDIT: I know this is a repost but what do you expect? This is /r/jokes

A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar and sits down next to his best pirate bud, Randy. Randy looks at the pirate, leans over and asks, ""arrr matey, why are ye wearin a steerin wheel on ye belt buckle?"" The pirate replies, ""Arrr, it's been drivin me nuts!""

Why did the pirate put springs on his treasure chest? He wanted to see that booty bounce.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, ""Hey, buddy, doesn't that bother you?"" The pirate says, ""Yar, it's drivin' me nuts.""

TIL: Captain Hook ran an entire pirate ship. He did it single handedly too. He was a bit out of breath afterwards though.

Who's a modern pirate for the 21st century? Neckbeard!

You're so ugly, when you were born your mom said... ""What a treasure"" and your dad said ""Lets go bury it!""