Neighbors just got a pirate ship playhouse for their backyard. Drunk me has never been so excited.

Mel Gibson, Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are showing up.

A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""are you aware that there is a wheel in your pants?"" The pirate replies, ""AAARGGHH it's driving me nuts!""

Sailor walks up to a Pirate in a bar... ...offers to buy the pirate a drink if he tells him the tales of his hook, pegleg, and eye patch. The pirate agrees, but to one drink per tale. Sailor buys him a drink, and says, well, why don't you start with the pegleg? Pirate takes a long swig, leans forward and says ""SHARK!"" Sailor nods... opens his mouth, and the pirate interrupts him ""...as I said, shark took me leg; we was in heavy seas, attempting to take a ship, I be slashed and spashed o'r the…